I might lose the PR

If I can make it there...I can make it someplace else, just as well.

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A Mercenary Gesture

I hate it when a plan gets discovered by people who knew about it.

Earlier in the week news came down that mercenaries have apparently been training illegally in the center of the island. The neightbors of the region think the mercs are a little too loud and paramilitary train-y to be there, and want them out, while the mercenary group has hidden the evidence on their website that pretty much said "It's cool to be here in Puerto Rico! Come on over!

Frankly, I think it's a shame. Mercenaries are an important step into making the island into an action movie. Whether they be Mercenaries for Justice, or being killed by Riddick or Wikus on Merwe, mercenaries enrichen any fiction they are in.

If I could take off my head, I wouldn't even need money.

Sure, this island has it's share of shootouts, fights, hitmen, murder misteries, intrigue and such. But never in the spirit of what a Deadpool could bring.
Without  the Merc School, our only mercenaries will be our politicians, Gossip Mongers, musicians,  and other assorteds with all of the money grubbyness and none of the grenades.

See! It's just...Grr!

What I think they should do is keep the Mercenary training ground, and train the local  populace for free. Sure, you'll get a lot of unstable men running around the island with guns and stuff. Hopefully that's when Vin Diesel steps in.

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Love Letter: The Michelle Rodriguez character

She's about to fix rain. Permanently.

You know, I love an action girl. Just ask anyone. It has lead me to some poor viewing choices, such as Ecks vs Sever, and Immortal. But It's also lead me to good choices, such as 2000's Girlfight.

While the movie itself was way less actiony and a lot more dramaty than I'd hoped, it did introduce to me the wonders of Michelle Rodriguez, and her singular creation: "The Michelle Rodriguez character".

I ain't never seen such a cold stare, mon.

Now, you have probably seen this character. It's ussually some sort of military figure or soldier, and played by Michelle Rodriguez.

She has at least one moment to show she doesn't take bullshit from anyone.

Here eyelids are partially closed, so it looks like her eyes are scowling.

However mean she comes off as, she usually proves to be a friend to the protagonist.

She has  high potential for some dramatic death, but not always.

She's usually alive by the end of the film, despite the odds, though.

She carries some kind of rifle or other high powered weaponry.

And as a general rule, she's generally not the object of affection of our leads.

Now, you may think I'm poking fun at how this Domi-rican actress is getting typecast, but I think there's a reason for it: She's really good at this type of role.

See, getting the ingredients to a believable action girl right is hard. Not everyone can pull it off. And even though we like action girls, an unconvincing action girl can bring the whole thing down. You can't just put any  model in a battle suit and put  guns in her hand and call it a day.

"I used to deesign for GODS!"

Michelle Rodriguez plays tough well.It's a shame she doesn't get too many lead roles since. The closest thing to a leading role I see in her IMDB is Blue Crush, which is a surfing movie I didn't see, so I'm guessing she didn't play a mean, military minded no nonsense surfer.

No one else has billing in this series that isn

't Milla Jovovich. E-VER!

I guess the world isn't particularly ready for a tough hispanic female character that isn't all about sex appeal. All the more reason to do give her a lead. Maybe like in a pirate film or something. Something that isn't a supporting role.   While we wait, I do declare, "I love 'The Michelle Rodriguez character'."

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Puerto Rico Welcomes Mrs Casey Anthony

I have not been truly following the news on the case of lost little girl Caylee Anthony, or her accused, self styled presumed murderer Casey Anthony, alias Tot Mom. This is because, frankly I didn't NEED to follow it. You're switching channels in the last two years and you hover anywhere near CNN and all you are gonna hear is details on this case.

And now that the case is ended my opinion...doesn't matter. I think the jury made the right choice legally, even though it's clear she's hiding what really happened. But as I said, it doesn't matter. She's a free woman, guilty or not.

And now they're saying she's coming here, to Puerto Rico. And I want to be the first to say welcome. Welcome, Mrs Anthony to your dream island.

Right off the bat, I will warn you, if you don't like competition, don't come. We have our own notorious case of a child being murdered where the child's mother is most likely guilty or involved somehow. Still, other than, the scene is great. My country loves it's criminals.

First off, right after a crime where it's obvious who is the culprit, media rush in to the victim, or their family to ask if they forgive them. And you get lauded at if you demonstrate you can forgive the guy who killed your daughter. Our equivalent of Nancy Grace doesn't care about finding Kayley, she cares about if the parents have the strength and resolve to forgive a murderer who hasn't yet shown remorse. It's impressive, really.

We follow crime like we follow sports: Statistics. We count the murdered, and compare if it's a higher or lower amount than last year or if we beat the overall record.

And don't worry about any of us coming after you! Oh, no. We won't.Don't worry about those Facebook guys. They ain't gonna do jack squat. Every time a child dies in the crossfire between rival drug dealers, everyone gets so indignant and furious they...set up marches. Grieving parents are convinced that crime and overall negative behaviors are something you can protest away, while drug dealers who cause such things are revered as God-Like figures. They buy consciences with washing machines and bicycles, which you can use to wash your tear stained clothes once that child inevitably ends a drug addicted beggar, and  ride to your dope-dealer son's extravagant funeral, respectively.

He's dead

So, you'll fit right in, Ms Anthony. The only thing is: don't leave anything outside, don't go anywhere at night, and don't have a fancy radio in your car because CRIME HERE IS CRAZY!

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Mira!

It makes a pun before killing you.

No jodan mas con Google Maps, coño!

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M.U.G.E.N. Colony Page 7

A comic I was working on  last year, but didn't finish has reappeared. Not being able to post it on Indie-planet, I settled for  posting it here.


THe story concerns Goverment agents who police Superheroes and other Superbeings. Care for it? It's after the jump.

In this page, my love for background shines...

.

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Apocalypse Watch: Val Verde

40 years. Plenty of time for it to happen

I don't want to post too much about my faith and stuff, because that's not what this Blog is, was mean to be, or I want it to be about. But...



...Some lady decided to say we are gonna get hit with a Tsunami. Wut?

For those of you who who are Spanish impaired, this nice lady is saying that she got a letter from someone in Venezuela,  who seemingly got a vision from God, where he's saying we've done fucked up now with our Gays and our Baals, and he's sending us the wave, a Tsunami that will apparently reach in as afar as a couple of municipalities/and/or the whole island. And very few will survive.

I'm usually not the kind of guy who believes any prophecy...and I'm not about to start now. People talk for God all the time, because they know  some people are too stupid to see their made up shit. Oh, yeah, this year it's the Tsunami.  "God-through-prophets" has said for years we're gonna get an earthquake/Tsunami/Deadly Hurricane. But I think we should challenge and analyze  prophecy for veracity. The Bible says that, and I'm a terrible Christian.

This? It's full of holes. Apparently God wants us to save  our supplies of Food for the crisis. If the whole island is underwater because of a Tsunami, how is my crushed up remains  supposed to get to  my can of Lima beans? And how come it's us? We've got like a million churches, each more anti-gay than the last. Hell, some of our politicians are trying to make our constitution less gay-friendly. We get a Boys Don't Cry-like crime almost twice every year and the only outrage is from  the Gay movement. Whattaya want, Lord?  What's that?

Kill? You...Oh, CHIIILL.I thought you where ordering me to murder.

Still, it's worth the thought: What's the plan? Sure, there's no plan if it's as dramatic as what she says. I guess, pray a lot and stuff bla bla bla. Sure, it's good for surviving the stuff, maybe. Beyond the prophesy, stuff, though, if our island's whole coast was flooded, we'd be in deep shit. Most of the food and other products we consume are imported, and most of that comes in ships. A flood would probably block the arrival of such necessities as medicine, food, and hairgel(necessary for breeding over here). Within a short span of time life as we know it would be strained. And let me put it this way: We had wounded on a Toy giveaway line. It's safe to say a foodline in here would be catastrophic.

So I need to plan for that.

First, I'm learning as many survivalist skills as possible. I don't want to wait for food, and I probably suck at looting. It's not about having cans of corned beefanyway: I'm gonna have to learn to produce my own food, and I'm hoping it's more in a simple agriculture way than in a "bear grills" kind of way.


Second, I know where to head that the zombies won't find me: the cemetery: My granny has a house that a funeral company built around on. There's land to grow stuff, it isn't too populated, and it's nicely fenced/creepy, which should keep supersticious and cowardly criminals at bay until they run out of bullets. And it's not too far from a river. I don't like not having water. It parches and kills me.

Finally, I'm preparing a backpack with provisions for it. Rope, slingshot and the instructions to starting civilization anew.

Oh, that's right, I'm starting civilization anew.  I know, it's pretty cool.

Note: must learn how to make pants.

See, I think you should see the good in everything, and while island spanning disaster and famine usually don't rank as  good unless you are making a movie inspired by them, it's also an opportunity for quick social ascension. With our government  in tatters and America very likely abandoning us(and how our already crippling debt and endangered credit would fare, I can't fully blame them.), the island would be ripe for rebirth. I will rechristen the new nation Val Verde.

Yes, Val Verde, like the fictional country you've read about that always shows up in movies. Here is our beautiful flag and  and coat of arms.

In Val Verde, my Latin is good.

I'm sure your flag is a blatant ripoff too.

Then there's also the issue of  chain of command.

Royal Fender(This is me)

           |

           |

    ------------------

                                                                      |                           |

                                                        Minister of                  Minister of
                                                     Defense  (my brother)          Offense(my cousin)
                                                           --------The others-----------
                                            

Hey, Megalomania is as good a hobby as any.

But it isn't all  80s action movies in Val Verde. I, being one of the few who remembered how to agriculture shit, will trade small amounts of food for  prelooted furniture and virgins. Hey, I need to repopulate the island, you know? I'm like Abraham, now:Willing to get a little side action going as long as  they'll remember it  was for the greater goodish...

I'll take it! No, just  the chick!

If this sounds really vacuous and nasty as a way to deal with a serious and sad scenario, think of  it like this: If I survive something like the proposed, I'm not doing it so that those who didn't can tell me what to do from their watery raves. And 'sides, it's not any darker than proposing this is God's will for us if it isn't true. Wich is exactly what I fear this lady might be doing. Don't stick your words in God's tongue, kids!

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A History of Puerto Rico for Gringos

The more-tax-obsessed-Encyclopedia!

I have not been able to post much because I have been scouting images for a  educational film. The film regards the history of the United States, and the images had to be public domain. So no matter what I was searching for, the war o 1820, Benjamin Franklin, or Sputink, I came upon the same damn images over again. America, I don't want to look at your political cartoons anymore. I don't care if you think Obama is a mixture of Hitler, Stalin and Heath Ledger's Joker. I just want to find images of Eleanor  Roosevelt talking!

Public Domain images of Eleanor Roosevelt. How's that feel, now?

But my contact with America's political viewpoints isn't all a waste of time. I came upon this site I had heard about Conservapedia. I don't know if that's supposed to mean "Serving Corporate interests" ipedia. Like I said, I'm fairly confused by my search.

Still, I wanted to see a conservative take on my homeland of Puerto Rico. I mean, surely there's something to say on our status, our history our...

No. It's a meager School Report length discussion that ends somewhere before Puerto Rico became a territory of the U.S.

This is unacceptable! Is the conservative idea of us that the last 100 years of our history didn't happen?

I'll give you a C if you work in the last century!

So, here's the lowdown on our history, BGEver style.

Spain was feeling pretty fine. It had just just kicked major Moor ass and reclaimed it's land after many decades. So they decided, "Hey, now that we're the world's largest superpower, let's start sending ships and shit over the ocean."

So they arrive at the island. And it's full of brown people and gold.  But gold prospection is haaaaard, and besides, in Spain they have brown people to do that shit. So they killed two birds with one stone by enslaving the brown people to fish for gold. Preety sneaky, huh?

Spain! Without love! Spain! Can't get enough!

The natives played along because they totally thought they where dealing with the gods here. But after one of the gods failed at not being killed by them, it became clear some motherfuckers needed to be clubbed.

The Wars went on for a bit, with natives from other islands joining. But Spain had guns, and also had diseases the Natives weren't prepared for.

Most natives where killed, or had children with the Spaniards. Because, hey, if a green man showed up today, I bet all you ladies would be throwing panties at him.

He's a ladykiller. Seriously, ladies, get away from him.

So Spain took all the gold and all the hot bitches. But the Island was still good for growing veggies and for flipping the finger to the Dutch. But somebody had to harvest the crops and build the forts and that's booooooring. So they brought African slaves to do the hard part for them.

Spaniard. Just saying.

Eventually, all the hot Spaniard on native on  African sex lead to a unique culture. This people came to be known as criollos.

The Criollos had a strained relationship with Spain, because they didn't care  about  them, like at all. Eventually, the locals brewed up a strike against the man, for freedom.

Then they died. They where being spied, they had their weapons intercepted. They had no chance, but I guess they would rather die than to hold up the revolution another day.

Eventually, Spain started giving concessions, and they even had a an autonomy granting  bill in the works.

This is the part where you come in.

Apparently you had some beef with Spain because of Cuba or something. Or maybe needed to sell newspapers. Point is, the Hispanoamerican wars happened.

Remember those, Conservapedia? When the American Government  went to war with Spain to liberate Cuba, and ended up with Puerto Rico as War bounty? Well, you can add that to the page about Puerto Rico.

Julien K and Linkin Park did the soundtrack?

So then there was the military government, then the guys that rebeled against that, and when you shot radiation into their dicks, when you tried to teach us  english  when our soldiers helped out in your asian War, and when they didn't want to fight defending rocks, and when your doctor gave our women cancer, and then you gave him a time magazine  cover? Or the time some of our guys shot up your senate, or when they protested the military base?

And Puerto Rican people thought their salvation was at hand! Turns out it was just 50 plus years of unilateral government with prechosen leaders, then they instituted us as a 'Estado Libre Asociado' and we spent the next 50 years arguing over something we have no say in.

No, I am not bitter. But it's been 100 years, guys. Acknowledgment isn't too much to demand, right?

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