I shed my pride...

Who wants some humble pie?

Oh, crap.

I should never have opened the door. I thought I was strong. I thought I would shame them.  What hubris!

I yield. I thought  I could watch that blasted Ponies show, then come back here and tell you all why it's not that great. Tell you how the hype doesn't hold. Tell you that you you where blowing it out of proportions. And now I need to figure out the answer of why it IS that great. Why? Why did I feel like watching it and not stopping? Why is it crack for the eyes and ears?

You see, what  was but one question (What's the big fuckin' deal with the fuckin' ponies?) has now become several less important questions that somehow hit me harder.  Questions like "Will we see Celestia's sister again?" and "Which time next week does the new season start? and "Why doesn't my cable provider have "The Hub"?

Why isn't this working as  a viable substitute?

Curse me! Curse my intent!  Even as I groaned every time the Cutie Mark Crusaders entered the screen, even when I realized the eye lasers and forearm missiles just weren't coming, I could not stop myself. It is madness that there are shows I know I should be watching, like the Anime X-Men, and...well, I decided to watch Ponies instead.

It is madness! There is "nothing" in this show for me. Why, I started watching several old shows in the last couple of months. Why is this one the one I followed through on it? I cannot condense it down to snark. I cannot just praise it. It's terrible!

Oh, and Paheal is RUINED for me. I used to go "yeah, some sick fuck gets his rocks off to ponies being fucked". But now I feel...bothered by seeing this characters in R34 situations. I do not usually feel this for characters I like. Usually it's either "Hey, Rogue naked! or "Ew, I don't want to see Pinky and the Brain doing THAT!" It must have arrived at some kind of sick threshold. I'm not the "leave them alone" type, but that's what's in my head. No, DON'T show me Twilight Sparkles getting screwed by some flying penis. DON'T.How the fuck is she gonna tell Princess Celestia later? Have you no shame?

Oh, what foolery! What a fool I was! I should have stayed away!  None of this would be happening! Heed my advise! You are not strong enough! Stay away!

Oh, well, back to  my otherwise manly activities.

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Frequently Stupid Questions: What's so wrong with changing Amanda Waller?

Q: Why are people making a big deal over Amanda Waller's new, sexy body?

Aww, you little dumb ass! There are multiple layers as to why making Amanda Waller no longer fat is idiotic. I'll try not to run through the ones that aren't immediately obvious.

Nice figure!

First off, the character benefits more from being fat than from being thin. No, really. Comics are a visual medium.  From a visual perspective, having the character be physically unfit is a great way to say "this character is not  from the part of the DC universe that punches Metallo. She's from he part of the world where there's meetings in the Pentagon." She doesn't have the strength of  a human who engages in regular exercise. She's not that kind of character.

Making her more like Rosario Dawson serves no visual purpose. She's just some hot woman. It takes away a little of the element of gritty non-fantasy.

Second: It takes away the character's uniqueness. Those of you complaining that the character was a cliche must know even less about her than I do. I never even read her comics in Borders and even I know she's not just a woman with a stick up her fat ass. Here's the thing, though, even if she's a cliche, now she's all wrong because ANGRY AUTHORITATIVE FIGURES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SEXY.

Mutation-gate!

Seriously, find me one, ONE angry police Captain, one school principal, one  ANGRY boss who happens to be sexy. You can't. That's not part of that particular cliche. It's just trading the Cliche of  "Angry Black Woman"(which by the way, barely surmises the character at all) for the even bigger cliche of "And she's also sexy". She doesn't have to be sexy. Does Nick Fury have to be sexy? Does Prof X need to be sexy?  Do we need sexy Splinter? Some characters don't need to be sexy. Amanda Waller is among them.

And yes, she was made sexy in the Green Lantern movie. You see, many people didn't complain about it there(I sort of did), but honestly that just unmasks this for what it is: a shallow Hollywood move. See, we expect this sort of thing from Hollywood because we've come to be used to this bullshit being used in adaptations all the time. But here's the thing:  The DC universe, even the newly reinvented one, is bigger than any movie universe. See, Green Lantern was just that: a movie, limited by what went in the frame. The DC universe is united: It's a universe that has Supergirl, Wonder Woman and Black Canary. It has filled it's hot girl quota. You don't really have need to change Waller.

Also, no one fucking saw Green Lantern. Regardless of fat.

Again, as with those Star Wars changes, you gotta wonder who they're for. Amanda Waller has had a pretty good run as a black, fat female. She even has a couple "other media" appearances. And the book she's in has Corset Harley Queen getting arrested by Black Canary's rump, apparently. Was there ever a feeling this character would bring in more people  if she were sexier? Even Michael Bay movies have non-pretty folk in them.

It's true, just ask Steve Buscemi!

It's just a head-scratching choice. It's fantasy, yes, but even fantasy has niches that can't be fulfilled by idealized people. You'd think DC, of all people, would understand this. The DC of Etta Candy and Jimmy Olsen. The DC of Alfred, James Gordon, and  Harvey Bullock. The DC of Prof Hamilton. You'd think they'd understand how in a world of fantasy, not everything can be THE SAME.

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...And the horse you rode in....

It was inevitable...

Working in the irony mines isn't all fun and games. There's a lot of stuff that just passes you by. Like I WANTED to watch Heroes,  but I never got around to it. I'm sort of a general geek, but I never got around to getting into Harry Potter, or Fringe, or Battlestar. And I can't blame it on poorness. I COULD just stream it.

Yet there is one show that came so highly recommended, I  had to overcome a lifelong bias against the franchise.

You see, I'm not a stranger to girly things. I used to watch Skydancers all the time. And I always pick female characters in fighting games. I have fanart of Wordgirl, for fuck's sake. But I just can't get into this "My Little Pony" Business.

See, when  I was young, my Mom  bought me and my Brother  each a one of them ponies. They weren't nearly as stylized as they are now, though. But my father, worried about this stunting our development, took them away.

I think mine was blue, though...

I went on to do many "gay" things I'm saving for their own  series, and grew secure enough on my manliness to wear a T-Shirt with Mandy on it to work. No dice on the ponies though. That franchise was tainted for me.

I'm available, ladies...

But, more than that, I don't need to prove anything. If you guys are recommending me a show with ponies on it, it needs to be more than just good. It needs to knock my fuckin' socks off.  Just because Rob Bricken and Chris Sims like it doesn't mean I have to like it.

So I finally caved in, and watched the first ten  adventures of Twilight Sparkles, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and the Retard* in the hopes of finding out what the fuzz was about.

And you know what, fuck you guys for being so insecure. It's just an average show!  The pastel artwork is nice, the voices  are good, Cree Summer is good, the writting is good. It's just a decent show for girls that's sort of tolerable for boys. Is that all? And here I thought you guys where adopting nicknames and  stuff for something that's actually really great. Like, they barely fight at all!
 
How pathetic do you guys get? Lording over us that you like  a sorta-good show that happens to be geared towards girls? Why don't you tell people you like something you really shouldn't like, like "A Serbian Film" or "Johnny Test"? Hey, you guys, I like Fefe Dobson! Woooooooo!

So that's it. I am not a bronie, or Brawnie or whatever. I'm not gonna be doing any fanart for this one. I'm just gonna finish all the current episodes, for research. And then go back to stuff where people shoot lasers from their eyes and missiles from their forearms.

*I'm sorry, Pinkie Pie. I know you're actually misunderstood.  I love you. Not as much as Applejack, though.And Cree Summer doesn't voice you so... Wha...Hey, buddy, article's over!

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