Team Rocket Awarness Month: Friendship is Magic

Hey, I just noticed I've never actually drawn Meowth right. Always confused his higher whiskers for actual ears, when he had ears all along. This is saddening. However, I do am proud of this particular one, nonetheless. And hopefully by the time this is posted, I'll have beat my FIM addiction. Also, hopefully they'll have worked in some recurring villains or something. Fuck me, what am I typing?

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Horrendous Theory: Princess Celestia's Biodome

Okay, okay, I already buckled under and fell to the charms of Friendship is Magic.  It's a show with a surprising amount of mythology, for a show that could have just been a series of vapid events that happen to a bunch of airhead ponies and still made money.

There's a creationist story with parallels to the Bible and other deistic writings. What with the world having been in chaos and The Titanomachian  fight of two goddess sisters against an older god and then the subsequent falling out between them. It's good stuff.

But the more I try to analyze the world of Equestria, the less sense it makes.

And if I've learned anything from Ancient Aliens is that if it doesn't make sense, reckless speculation is required.

You see, obvious stuff about sentient little horses that use magic aside, nothing about this world is natural. The Sun and the Moon  must be moved  by Celestia or Luna. The cloud and weather are controlled by Pegasi.

But it gets worse. In the episode Bridle Gossip, the Everfree Forest, which is spoken off with fear every time it's mentioned, is described as such : "Animals fend for themselves, trees grow all on their own, and the clouds move by themselves...it's so unnatural". This means that without the Ponies intervention, no part of  regular biological developments happen. And they're ignorant of this, as well as the existence of such common animals as zebras.

They have to freaking create their own seasons!

You'd think a smiling, ethereally maned, non-stop smiling ruler such as Princess Celestia would care more for fostering the knowledge of her denizens. But come on. She trapped her own sister on the moon.  Anyone who's ever stood in Celestia's path is trapped in something or some form. And you never saw Luna after she became good again, did you? Maybe she's back on the moon. Point is, Celestia's clearly after something, and it isn't the welfare of her denizens.

Yo, dawg, i heard you like the moon, so we put Nightmare Moon on the moon so you can moon while you moon.

You know what I think? I think the whole thing is some kind of crazy Truman Show-esque containment sphere, and the exit is somewhere in the Everfree Forest(it's even got the word free in it!), the only place where consistently dangerous things like Manticores and Bears made of stars exist, probably to keep  the ponypulation from  figuring out the truth. As for where exactly they are, my guess is some kind of space installation. If I had to  guess, I'd say Celestia puts and breeds ponies there so she can find the ones who will defeat  the unknown number of creatures that threaten her and had to be banished in some form or another. Or maybe she's just following orders. You haven't ever seen or heard of who the King and Queen of Equestria are, have you?

I see you, Faust!

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I shed my pride...

Who wants some humble pie?

Oh, crap.

I should never have opened the door. I thought I was strong. I thought I would shame them.  What hubris!

I yield. I thought  I could watch that blasted Ponies show, then come back here and tell you all why it's not that great. Tell you how the hype doesn't hold. Tell you that you you where blowing it out of proportions. And now I need to figure out the answer of why it IS that great. Why? Why did I feel like watching it and not stopping? Why is it crack for the eyes and ears?

You see, what  was but one question (What's the big fuckin' deal with the fuckin' ponies?) has now become several less important questions that somehow hit me harder.  Questions like "Will we see Celestia's sister again?" and "Which time next week does the new season start? and "Why doesn't my cable provider have "The Hub"?

Why isn't this working as  a viable substitute?

Curse me! Curse my intent!  Even as I groaned every time the Cutie Mark Crusaders entered the screen, even when I realized the eye lasers and forearm missiles just weren't coming, I could not stop myself. It is madness that there are shows I know I should be watching, like the Anime X-Men, and...well, I decided to watch Ponies instead.

It is madness! There is "nothing" in this show for me. Why, I started watching several old shows in the last couple of months. Why is this one the one I followed through on it? I cannot condense it down to snark. I cannot just praise it. It's terrible!

Oh, and Paheal is RUINED for me. I used to go "yeah, some sick fuck gets his rocks off to ponies being fucked". But now I feel...bothered by seeing this characters in R34 situations. I do not usually feel this for characters I like. Usually it's either "Hey, Rogue naked! or "Ew, I don't want to see Pinky and the Brain doing THAT!" It must have arrived at some kind of sick threshold. I'm not the "leave them alone" type, but that's what's in my head. No, DON'T show me Twilight Sparkles getting screwed by some flying penis. DON'T.How the fuck is she gonna tell Princess Celestia later? Have you no shame?

Oh, what foolery! What a fool I was! I should have stayed away!  None of this would be happening! Heed my advise! You are not strong enough! Stay away!

Oh, well, back to  my otherwise manly activities.

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...And the horse you rode in....

It was inevitable...

Working in the irony mines isn't all fun and games. There's a lot of stuff that just passes you by. Like I WANTED to watch Heroes,  but I never got around to it. I'm sort of a general geek, but I never got around to getting into Harry Potter, or Fringe, or Battlestar. And I can't blame it on poorness. I COULD just stream it.

Yet there is one show that came so highly recommended, I  had to overcome a lifelong bias against the franchise.

You see, I'm not a stranger to girly things. I used to watch Skydancers all the time. And I always pick female characters in fighting games. I have fanart of Wordgirl, for fuck's sake. But I just can't get into this "My Little Pony" Business.

See, when  I was young, my Mom  bought me and my Brother  each a one of them ponies. They weren't nearly as stylized as they are now, though. But my father, worried about this stunting our development, took them away.

I think mine was blue, though...

I went on to do many "gay" things I'm saving for their own  series, and grew secure enough on my manliness to wear a T-Shirt with Mandy on it to work. No dice on the ponies though. That franchise was tainted for me.

I'm available, ladies...

But, more than that, I don't need to prove anything. If you guys are recommending me a show with ponies on it, it needs to be more than just good. It needs to knock my fuckin' socks off.  Just because Rob Bricken and Chris Sims like it doesn't mean I have to like it.

So I finally caved in, and watched the first ten  adventures of Twilight Sparkles, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and the Retard* in the hopes of finding out what the fuzz was about.

And you know what, fuck you guys for being so insecure. It's just an average show!  The pastel artwork is nice, the voices  are good, Cree Summer is good, the writting is good. It's just a decent show for girls that's sort of tolerable for boys. Is that all? And here I thought you guys where adopting nicknames and  stuff for something that's actually really great. Like, they barely fight at all!
 
How pathetic do you guys get? Lording over us that you like  a sorta-good show that happens to be geared towards girls? Why don't you tell people you like something you really shouldn't like, like "A Serbian Film" or "Johnny Test"? Hey, you guys, I like Fefe Dobson! Woooooooo!

So that's it. I am not a bronie, or Brawnie or whatever. I'm not gonna be doing any fanart for this one. I'm just gonna finish all the current episodes, for research. And then go back to stuff where people shoot lasers from their eyes and missiles from their forearms.

*I'm sorry, Pinkie Pie. I know you're actually misunderstood.  I love you. Not as much as Applejack, though.And Cree Summer doesn't voice you so... Wha...Hey, buddy, article's over!

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