Why Wonder Woman can can be good and you can like her for it part 2! A call to villainy!

Prepare for Trouble!

Another common complaint is that Wonder Woman's enemies are lame and therefore she has nothing to go on in an adaptation. Which is a bit of a peeve for me.

Look, not every property out there getting adapted is full of iconic, fully fledged villains. Hell, some of the stuff adapted in the form of rogue vectors, or seditious pixels. While that's an extreme, you'lll notice those things do not stop those things from getting adapted. My opinion is, if you're adapting something stupid, you have nowhere to go but up. It's YOUR job to make it work.

So if Wonder Woman's enemies are laughable because one of them is a racist caricature slapped on a giant egg, and that's the villain you have to go with for some reason, you still should make the material engaging through writing, acting, directing, etc.

So I will put forth  Wonder Woman's villains and explain how they could be used in the movie. I'm giving this to you for free, W.B., because I'm charitable when it comes to things crawling out of my head.

But, that's your leg-stump! That hurts!

The Cheetah:
There are 4 versions of the Cheetah. Rich Bitch. Nephew of Rich Bitch. Furry bitch. And Furry dude bitch.
While The Cheetah is Wonder Woman's most iconic villain, having a villain who is essentially all physical threat is troubling when your heroine is mostly a powerhouse.  If given the choice, I would go with Priscilla Rich, the first Cheetah: A woman of wealth suffering from double identity issues.  You can play an aspect of the story where she's Wonder Woman's friend sincerely, but the other side of her, the darker side, hates her. The Cheetah is secretly orchestrating the events of the movie behind the scenes, but Priscilla Rich is Wonder Woman or Diana's personal friend. And it all comes to a head  in the climax where Wonder Woman learns her friend all along was the bad guy.

I'm like a bird: I always fly away!

The Silver Swan: There have been 3 Silver Swans, though sadly only 1 Blue Snowman. The least stupid ones, are women who are offered a chance at not being ugly in exchange for killing Wonder Woman, adopting the persona of Silver Swan, who can  fly and shoot hurtfull music like Limp Bizkit strapped to a jetplane.

Swan would be visually cool, especially if Wonder Woman is the flightier, stronger type.

That armor is metal, and I don't mean the alloy it's made of.

Ares: Ares the God of War...hmm...On one hand, i already explained how much I didn't want  it to become a Greek Mythology movie with Wonder Woman in it. On the other hand, Ares presents something interesting that actually ties in with one of the important themes of the character: Wonder Woman is on a mission of bringing peace to the world. However she is essentially a warrior, and must engage in violence at a moments notice. Ares is the God of War, and he grows stronger the more furious and angry people in the world are. It would probably lend itself to an interesting ending, where you have to defeat the villain, but the angrier you are, the stronger he is, and our heroine has to pull a  "clear your mind" moment.

Grooooow, MY MONSTER, GROOOOW

Giganta: I don't know what Giganta is up to this days (actually, I do and it's stupid), but Giganta, a woman who can gro the size of a building, seems a bit like a physical only threat. But, boy oh, boy, what a threat that is. As much as I get angry at the idea of a whole film being given to Doomsday, I could see it being given to Giganta, because at least you gotta wonder how Wonder Woman will get out of it.

Is she really disfigured if she has no figure anymore?

Dr Cyber: Dr Cyber seems custom made to be a top villainess: Scary yellow Dr Doomish Mask, cloak and cape, big criminal organization with countless goons to punch, and plenty of technobabble.  You get an actress with graavitas to voice, and it sells itself,really.

Veronica Cale: No. NO! Yeah, I know, you like it because you don't have to put money into creativity of creating costumes and amazing special effects. Just Lex Luthor with a vagina. Fuck that. Fuck it! Put villains in this, this shit isn't Catwoman! You want people to like it, don't put villains that are just people.

Bullshit. I see at least TWO sissies!

Villany Inc: While you would have to go against my previous suggestion of an origin story, starting with Villainy Inc, a Legion of Doom solely devoted to taking Wonder Woman down a peg, is, would allow you to use all those villains that aren't good enough to have the movie for themselves. Maybe you have a leader, who is like, the actual antagonist, and the others are sort of less important.All you need to know is The Blue Snowman, CyborgGirl, and others such hate Wonder Woman and want to take her down, while the leader is playing them all for chumpstresses.

The problem is, if you jump in  at a point of the story where a Super villain team up makes sense, you are already selling a superhero world to the audience. Again, why I suggested to start at the beginning. Then again, I also suggested making an Anime.


These are just the ones I think potential. Like I said, maybe you can put a shitload of characterization on Eviless and make her like, really cool.

(Part 1)

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Puerto Rico Welcomes Mrs Casey Anthony

I have not been truly following the news on the case of lost little girl Caylee Anthony, or her accused, self styled presumed murderer Casey Anthony, alias Tot Mom. This is because, frankly I didn't NEED to follow it. You're switching channels in the last two years and you hover anywhere near CNN and all you are gonna hear is details on this case.

And now that the case is ended my opinion...doesn't matter. I think the jury made the right choice legally, even though it's clear she's hiding what really happened. But as I said, it doesn't matter. She's a free woman, guilty or not.

And now they're saying she's coming here, to Puerto Rico. And I want to be the first to say welcome. Welcome, Mrs Anthony to your dream island.

Right off the bat, I will warn you, if you don't like competition, don't come. We have our own notorious case of a child being murdered where the child's mother is most likely guilty or involved somehow. Still, other than, the scene is great. My country loves it's criminals.

First off, right after a crime where it's obvious who is the culprit, media rush in to the victim, or their family to ask if they forgive them. And you get lauded at if you demonstrate you can forgive the guy who killed your daughter. Our equivalent of Nancy Grace doesn't care about finding Kayley, she cares about if the parents have the strength and resolve to forgive a murderer who hasn't yet shown remorse. It's impressive, really.

We follow crime like we follow sports: Statistics. We count the murdered, and compare if it's a higher or lower amount than last year or if we beat the overall record.

And don't worry about any of us coming after you! Oh, no. We won't.Don't worry about those Facebook guys. They ain't gonna do jack squat. Every time a child dies in the crossfire between rival drug dealers, everyone gets so indignant and furious they...set up marches. Grieving parents are convinced that crime and overall negative behaviors are something you can protest away, while drug dealers who cause such things are revered as God-Like figures. They buy consciences with washing machines and bicycles, which you can use to wash your tear stained clothes once that child inevitably ends a drug addicted beggar, and  ride to your dope-dealer son's extravagant funeral, respectively.

He's dead

So, you'll fit right in, Ms Anthony. The only thing is: don't leave anything outside, don't go anywhere at night, and don't have a fancy radio in your car because CRIME HERE IS CRAZY!

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Why Wonder Woman can be good and you can like her for it (Part 1)

Uneven trinity

You might remember one of my earlier efforts in B-spot was an epic, multi-part series on how making a movie about based on Superman is a potentially good idea. In hindsight, it seems kind of silly, and not in that way in which a former doorman spends his days talking about comic book movies and  Tim Burton's wife.

But really, did a Superman movie happening seem like such a stretch that I needed to tell people it is possible to make the character enjoyable? I mean, why not use those efforts to support less likely characters?

So in an effort to  equalize the playing field I propose now to you a different hero who could be good, but that many believe has nary a place on comics, let alone in the big screen: Wonder Woman.

Unlike Superman, people's gripes about Wonder Woman are not that she's sooooo booooring, but that she's got too much going on. Batman  clearly has "eras" you could take the character from. Superman, you know him by heart. But Wonder Woman? Does she fly or does she need a jet? Is she an aloof, innocent foreigner or a tough, no nonsense warrior? Is she a super swashbuckling feminist Superman as a woman, or a crazy bondage chick in stars and stripes?

And if people don't have strong, likeable, understandable characters, movies only make $836,297,228.

They say she doesn't have a thing like Superman( The super immigrant orphan who does the right thing because he grew up poor) or Batman(The Super rich orphan who bought his way into a ninja degree to fight the general concept of crime) or The X-Men( Who Fight for those who hate and fear them against injustice! And a TV producer Jabba the Hutt!) that just makes people LIKE her.


Well, I will begin by telling what elements and how of Wonder Woman should be used, and how, to trigger what is known as " A good movie" based on Wonder Woman.


I will preface by saying: They already did it. The 2009 Wonder Woman animated film is the most entertaining of any of the Animated DC films. Good action, great animation and they where obviously inspired by the best.

Burn in your golden Hell Ares...I mean Genma!

No don't be the judge. My judgment is better.

They did it, because unlike Green Lantern, that tried to cram as much of the mythos on film as possible, they put forward adventure and  character development. So, yeah, no Hypnota action figures to sell, but the movie's good.

OMG! It's Hannu, MOMMY! BUY ME!

So let's begin with the elements.


Wonder Woman:
Basically, give Wonder Woman a stated goal and make it the reason she comes to our world. Her origin does have a thing, but again, this can't be like Green Lantern, where a fully empowered  hero had nothing to do with his God-like powers and no tangible goal until trouble found him far too late on the movie.

Yeah you
I bet you had to jump up and down
Just to put 'em on
Bet you had to wiggle it around
Just to put 'em on...

Do not fear the sexy, but manage it  wisely.  See, this...

She's so tough...yet so impractically dressed and posed...

...might work in attracting the male gaze, but when you over-exploit a character people are supposed to relate to, the audience  loses the character. I'm not saying there shouldn't be sexiness, but it needs to be subtle. Less Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider, more Milla Jovovich in Resident Evil.

The Costume: Now, the costume has a problem with people who want they're magic made up Amazons to be realistic. Apparently a 1 piece suit is impractical. Also, a skirt is also impractical. But pants of some sort...THAT'S what warriors wear!

All the world is waiting for you!

/And the magic that you dooooo!

I know suit design is an art that becomes more complicated when studio execs are tryin to pass their idea of fun, but here's to main thing to go by:
It's recognizable as the Wonder Woman costume. See this...

...Is considered a bad Wonder Woman costume, but it's recognizable as a costume. THIS...

Doesn't look like Wonder Woman AT ALL! See, Wonder Woman is an ICON. You're not just selling the name, you're selling a visual idea of a character. Redesign some elements of the costume. DON'T  make her unrecognizable as a character.

I mean, It's not like you don't have variations on it.

Steve Trevor:
Do put him in. One of the bigger successes of 2009 WW was that Steve Trevor was actually a fellow warrior and adventurer. He wasn't a gentleman in distress, or just some jackass  who's in love with WOnder WOman, but he didn't outstage her either. I don't think  you NEED to have a male character for the male audience to identify with....but it can't hurt.

Plus,  if there is any mythology to explain to the audience, you let the audience know through him.

The Invisible Plane:
Do use, but with caution: Much like Aquaman's...everything he does... the plane is considered highly mockable element of the franchise. I advise turning it into a stealth plane a la X-Men, where the windows remain visible(so you can see the actors in it)

The Lasso: Do use. See, some people think it's lame, but it's what separates Wonder Woman from other Superheroes.

The Power Set
Should she be the golden age "abnormally strong and fast" version, o the post crisis "Flight and Super strenght" variant? My answer is
Flight: Yes: Limited(No Superman style warp speed zooming: That's why you have a jet!)
Strength: Slightly under a ton: Can lift the car with enough effort, but not  actually throw it.
Speed: As fast as a car.
Resistance:  Should be shown to resist inhuman amounts of punishment, but bullets should hurt.

It needs good effects as well

Etta Candy: Hmm... Not necessary. There is potential there, but also...great risk.

Greek Mythology: I wouldn't. I'd rather they try to use one of Wonder Woman's regular villains and pump them. I mean, I prefer the contrast of an amazon fighting  a robot over an amazon fighting a Greek god of some sort.

Origin: Yes, please. While most people have at least heard of Wonder Woman, the origin helps cement exactly why she does all this amazing stuff.  You gotta have the origin. And it's implied, but...

Themyscira: Look, don't risk it: For the audience to know what your character's about, they gotta know where they came from. And this isn't some bullshit prequel to make  money:  You WANT your audience to go along with  the character. Also, I want a Nubia action figure.

Everyone knows Wonder Woman in the same sense everyone knows chicken, but I've met  a couple who don't know exactly how chicken gets to their table, or even any of the details. A good cousin of mine actually told me with a straight face Kentucky had an Akira-style mass of flesh to make chicken  out of, which honestly sounds 3 times harder than growing regular clucking birds and feeding them growth hormones.

It's a journeeeeey...to-the paaaaaaaaast!

What I mean is,  Don't be the pilot. Don't be Superman Returns. Adventures are journeys, let the audience enjoy the journey with the character.
Stay tuned for part 2, where I discuss which villains should be roped into fighting Wonder Woman.

(Followed upon in part 2)

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What the hell are you sick fucks searching for NOW?

I don't know what to say.

Did he mean  "by other guys and their dicks"?  Or "Other guys and they're dicks"? ANd if you wanted to find guys fucking each other, could you word it any more stupidly?

Also, why specify it's with their dicks? I mean...that's what I'd assume is the default fuckign method. And what guys?  What THE FUCK?

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Transfellows!

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Horrendous Theory: Optimus Prime is EVIL

You can trust this attempt at a face!

Now, I'm not much of a Transformer G1 fan. Was way more into Beast Wars. But don't you guys find that in the movie's Optimus is a bit...ruthless?

I began noticing in Revenge of the Fallen.  The first action sequence ends with Optimus having this exchange with a maimed and defenseless Decepticon.

Optimus Prime: Any last words?
Wheelbot: This is not your planet to rule! The Fallen shall rise again!
Chief Master Sergeant Epps: [puzzled] That did not sound good.
Optimus Prime: Not today.
[blasts Wheelbot in the head]

"Any last words" is what a character, usually a villain, says when he's about to execute a person. It indicates that what follows is a clear path for the would be victim: "There is no possibility I won't kill you, you are given a final chance to mark our lives before you die." It is troubling that what we assume is a good guy chooses this words. See, in movies, usually the good guys don't "execute"  their villains. They defeat them in combat, either on equal grounds or with the hero at a disadvantage. Normally heroes aren't given the choice of whether or not to kill, and if your good guy is...say, a cartoon icon for children, usually the choice is to let them live.

Why don't you guys learn from the masters?

Second, it really looks like Wheelbot is implying Optimus Prime could be interpreted as to want to rule the earth. This is strange. Why would he think that? Why, of all the words you could put into that robot's spiked mouth, would you put concern that Optimus would rule the earth? Is Optimus the leader of Cybertron or something? Aren't the Decepticons the randomly chaotic ones? Why won't Optimus even deny he won't  take over the earth?

In any case, after several minutes of  Dog humpin, jive talking, Shia Leboufing action, the climax of the film takes place.  And after that, Optimus Prime fights The Fallen and Megatron. Optimus  handles both with ease. And then this happens.

Optimus, again, being a big fan of fatalities, chooses to rip off his opponent's face while saying : "Give ME YOR FACE!"

Now, we like our heroes to mix it up with the killing and making with one liners. But this isn't a Bond pun. This isn't  I lied.
It's not funny or ironic or set up to or a joke. He's saying he will rip his face off. And then he does.

If they where human...this would be a war crime.

Of course, he's just an evil robot who had it, coming you might say. But what purpose does it serve to rip your opponent's facial expressions as you execute them?   What kind of psycho rips away  someone else's face? Is our hero on the same league as  Leatherface and that Chimp that went crazy?

Autobuts, transform and roll out!

And lastly, there's Cry for the Moon Bark at the Moon In the Dark of the Night Dark of the Moon. I haven't seen it, but I have it on good authority Optimus Prime and the Autobots actually let  a city be laid to waste and countless humans die just to teach humanity a lesson. Yes, a lesson.


In the context in which it is offered to me, I heard humans order the Autobots to leave earth , in order to try and negotiate an armistice with their enemies, the Decepticons. Quickly the Decepticons  try to kill the Autobots and lay waste to a city after apparently blowing them up murdering humans all willy nilly, straight up hunting them and exterminating them.


While everyone thinks the Autobots are dead, they eventually come back. But not before Optimus points out they took their sweet time because humans had to understand how evil this evil robots are.

Yeah, I get it now! Go with the colored robots, not the gray robots! Got it!

And again, I haven't seen it, but doesn't that sound like a shrewd political move? You create sympathy and necessity for Autobots when Decepticon's top most powerful leader already had his face removed and his ticker raped, and as I hear by the end of this movie , all the bad guys have died. WHat's the lesson here again?  Don't fuck with Optimus?

Saviors? Buddy, you just got false flagged. Optimus' rise to power is at hand.

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Blogging ups and Downs

You know, I didn't start Blogging to make money. Which in hindsight is wise, as I've yet to make any. Still, it, like anything has it's ups and downs.

On the one hand I've  had huge disappointments. Putting myself as a source for the PDSH "Star " page I created lead to a huge amount of views, and that article shot to the top of the stats. I felt like this whole "witting about stuff" stuff was finally going to pay off. But suddenly, after hundreds of 4000+ views it just...stopped.

It turns out the most traffic I've had in any month doesn't translate much of a lot of money. In fact, it's LESS than the time I said Megaman X was in MVC3.

I just assumed PDSH was a goddamn traffic machine.I guess it was a glitch. A damn cocktease of a glitch.

ON the other hand, sometimes it's good to be recognized. Foreskin Man.com has put me in their press page. Me. On a press page.  Me? Press? Aww...shucks you guys, you didn't have to! I'm just some guy who doesn't live in his parent's basement because we don't have a basement.

Seriously, I know my opinion isn't important. But to see my logo in a list that includes Comics Alliance and The Times...makes me feel a little proud. Like I'm graduating a little. I mean, if what I say is important to you guys, that makes it important. A little. Sure, like most things in life, it's a temporary importance. But that's the only kind of importance that exists.

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