Friday, June 29, 2012


And speaking of me being right about everything, it was recently announced Channing Tatum is in talks to play Superman...Lego Superman, that is. I'm more surprised by there actually being a  Lego Movie, but there you go, Batman and Superman are a part of that.

 Reactions are varied, but one thing is for sure...I called it. I wrote this in 2009 in the thread "You're the producer of the Superman Film" in the form of supposed future news.

July 20, 2009
WB announces Superman is "Up in the Sky"
A spokesperson for WB has announced that a new take on the Superman franchise. Tentatively titled Superman: Up in the Sky. It is currently in scripting stages by Gabriel Ramirez, who made a pitch to the WB earlier this year. The spokesperson says the executives where so impressed they immediately put Ramirez with a team of writers so the film could be out the gate by 2012. No more details where revealed, even whether the movie is a reboot or a sequel, but that a full reveal was coming in November.
Hey, as long as I'm daydreaming, I might as well put myself in there, huh?
August 7, 2009
Could Blomkamp direct "Superman"?
The rumor mill is churning! The fine folks at IESB report that the new Superman film could be directed by none other than South African director Neil Blomkamp. Fresh off his newest film, District 9, Blomkamp has definitively proven to have a vision for storytelling.

Also making the rounds are rumors that the movie's plot is an all new origin story featuring multiple villains, included some rather obscure ones. Stay tuned.
Ain't no Kamp like the Blomkamp! This guy's gonna be huge someday!

November 3, 2009
Blomkamp confirmed as director for new Superman film, leads announced.
WB has dropped a bombshell on is unsuspecting journalists. They today confirmed the rumors that Neil Blomkamp(District 9) is directing the film "Superman: Up in the Sky", with Peter Jackson producing.They also revealed the new face for The Man of Steel. None other than G.I. Joe's Channing Tatum. Also joining in are Rosario Dawson as Lois Lane and Steward Head as Lois Lane and Lex Luthor, respectively.

The film is set to start filming next summer, and we are told it'll be an origin story where a freshman Superman starts his career by facing Lex Luthor, a high tech mafia, and a cabal of villains all intent on taking Superman down.
In my mind it works out, anyway

February 22 2010
Meet the Rogues Gallery of Superman: Up in the Sky
My sources inside WB have it on good word what villains will be a thorn on Superman's side come next 2011 . But Don't let them know you heard it from me!

We already know Lex Luthor is in, but my sources say the film will also have Livewire, Manchester Black, Silver Banshee, and The Parasite, as well as Crime boss Bruno Manheim . Click on each name for more information.

I am kind of worried. Though. We don't want the movie to become encumbered with characters, like X3: The Last Stand. What do you think?
Putting on a group of smaller villains. They are essentially superpowered henchmen in the film."

Suffice to say, the "group of Smaller villains" bit came true in Smallville, with at least two of my called for members joining up."

They said I was crazy. I WAS. But I was also right that Tatum was going to be big later down the road.

And then I did the photoshop.

I still think Rosario Dawson should be Lois, and you can't stop me thinking it.
 In my  fully posted online script for a Superman Reboot, I brought your worst nightmares screaming into the real world. It is I who stared into the abyss and said: "Sure, I could see this guy as Superman." Sure, you guys where right about who should play Superman, and who would play Superman, but I was right about who was considered for Superman and potentially cast as the Lego version of him! Yesh! EEEEYESH-AH!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Sex: Now that I have your attention: unconsensual

I'll wait until it's 25 dollars...

So...there has been a lot of talk about rape lately, with the New Tomb Raider's already removed sexual molestation scene. It's also appropriate for me to talk about it since the subject of rape is gonna be covered in Fighting Female July. Not the one you'd think, though.

Let's get the basics out of the way:

  • Rape is a real thing that really happens.
  • Rape is, by definition, unjustifiable.
  • Rape is a serious matter.
  • Rape is not something you want happen to anyone, but especially not to the more vulnerable members of our society (women, children, old folk) who tend to be the ones most likely to be raped.

Now, as a blogger, I was surprised at how much rape figures in entertainment once you start writting about it(entertainment, that, is.). But at the same time, are characters like Superman not merely modernized, toned down versions of characters like Heracles, who at one point raped and killed a whole society of warrior women? As time went on, people grew more concious that a guy who had his way with a lady in fiction is not too different from a guy who has his way with one's sister.

So rape became the domain of the bad guys. I mean, sure, that makes sense. But then, it became too ugly to even talk about rape negatively. Today, rape is as all encompassing as to include unrequied kisses and sexual relationships with drunk people.

But as a side current, there was merely escalation on the attempts at titillate. Mainstream entertainment, and especially videogames and animationa nd comics, have been trying more aand more to be more sofisticated, and somehow at the same time, have smalller bikinis and loincloths. Lara Crof, in particular, could not have started as a more obvious attempt at manipulating the male hormones to gain audience.

The costume to the right is described as MASSIVE ARMOR. This is our standard.
It was inevitable that these three conflicting ideologies, that of titillation, the concepts of rape in pop culture, and attempted softening of the more over the top elements of videogame culture would collide. To some people we're becoming more liberal and squemish, and to others we're becoming a stern amish society, when the truth is BOTH ARE SOMEHOW TRUE.

So, really, it was innevitable that someday, someone was going to try and rape Lara Croft. Two off the 3 explained mindsets supported it. I know it's easy to go with the outraged response. "This flesh peddlers are trying to sell rape as a way to tittillate. This is not acceptable." But isn't it?

When scavengers in the respective Resident Evil and Terminator apocalypses tried to rape their lead women, was it acceptable because you knew it wasn't going to happen? Is it acceptable in Boys Don't Cry because it really  happend, and if it really happened it isn't being exploited? When is it acceptable? Is God of War's offscreen sexing of concubines acceptable, because they never point out that concubines don't have much of a choice in anything? Is rape just to be left entirely out of interactive media, or just the adventure type games? If they make a Boys Don't Cry game, or GI Jane or  League of Extraordinary Gentlemen game is it okay if it has rape because the source had it? Does it have to be tastefull, and how do you measure what is or isn't tastefull?  I do not ask this questions because I want an answer: It's because if there is a  personal limit, then it needs to be clear each of us what it its. YOU need to answer to yourself this questions before reacting to things like this.

Look, I'll just make the horrendous, insensible jokes, and you fill in the rest, okay?
I'm telling you, in my country, there is a law against the distribution or having of "obscene  material" . And when you go in on what that actually means, it just goes with a really vague "whatever is too offensive to the mayority of peoples.  Now I've been to Hentai Foundry, so I know we might have differing opinions on what we want "My Small Horsies" characters to see doing to each other. But the point is, this kind of thing was bound to happen sooner or later. 10 years ago it was how much naked our BMX Strippers could be, and today is how much rape can we allow on our adventure games. This things don't just spring overnight, guys.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The Capcom Timeline

Now, to sing us their latest hit "Rwooorwooo"...CAT FEVER!

What will come of the future? I used to think it would be as presented in fiction that was older than me: Flying cars, Flying backpacks and silver pleather tights. Then I thought it'd be a charred husk of desert where we survive until roaming gangs find us. I've since learned that the future is never what we expect. Amazing people work in things we don't imagine, evil people plan things we don't want to imagine, and silver pleather is never gonna be in style.

However, that doesn't mean that we can't look at fiction for a peek at what could be. For example...what if every Capcom game set on the future happened in a single timeline? What would our sons and daughters have to look forward to on it?

I mean, after all, the characters of Capcom games often intermix and coexist. Street Fighter and Final Fight share a universe. Chun Li(or a Chun Li looking Robot) shows up in Megaman 9. Jin from Cyberbots shows up un Tech Romancer. If it's all true, then let's see if it all fits.

First, a little Background...

Street Fighter 2-3 (1980s and 90s)

Terrorist leader M.Bison unsuccessfully tries to use martial arts contests to rule the world(should I even say it? I mean, it IS his quote). Bicolor Messianic cult leader Gill also attempts the same.

Bush Sr is a charge character, too.

Final Fight (1980s and 90s)

Gang violence erupts in Metro City, prompting several skirmishes between a small group of vigilantes and the gang members.

Resident Evil- 1998

A viral outbreak in Racoon city leads to the nuclear annihilation of it. Sporadic outbreaks take place after that.

Onimusha 3-1592 and 2004

Time traveling demons invade France, pissing of Jean Reno real bad.

Resident Evil 5-2009

The mastermind behind the viral outbreaks in Racoon City is finally delivered the kind of justice only Lava and rocket launchers can make.

Dino Crisis-2009

Paramilitary forces storm Ibis island, where they enter in contact with dinosaurs. By "come in contact with", I mean, "mostly get eaten by".

Street Fighter 2010: The Final Fight-2010

Learned the gene splice from Cyclops.

Genetically engineered entity ravages several whole planets and mutates their populace until stopped by martial artist/scientist Ken Masters.

It goes without saying from here on up things did not come to pass.

Phoenix Wright- 2016

Two years after the increase in crime has lead to a complete subversion of how the justice system works and pretty much set human rights back decades, it's clear the system is here to stay.

Captain Commando-2026

The de-evolution of human rights and the increase in crime has finally lead to a baby in a robot suit punching people being not illegal in any way


Megaman: 200X-20XX(Between the year 2000 and the year 2099. It obviously did not happen while you was watching the second X-Men movie)

Seriously, somebody shoot Dr Willy.

Concern is raised when the advanced robotic technology that has become standard is being abused by criminals.

Battle Circuit- 20XX(Between the year 2010 and the year 2099. It obviously did not happen while you was watching the X-Men Prequel)

A group of mercenaries become engaged in unconventional warfare with an intergalactic gang for control of weapons of mass destruction. One of said mercenaries is a little girl in an ostrich that has an eyepatch.


If you point out that this isn't that specific Grandmaster, I will murder you in your sleep.

Mysterious Posthuman dictator "the Grandmaster" takes over the earth, until assassinated by Strider Hiryu.

Cyberbots: Full Metal Madness- Near the end of the 21rst Century(Let's say from 2080-2099)

Pangalactic empire faces scandal involving using children as energy, which created huge negative feedback of the "giants mechs punching each other" variety.

Yeah, yeah, children into energy. I just want to know what your stance is on gay marriage.

Tech Romancer- ("The Far Future." Not so far that Jin Saotome from Cyberbots can't show up. Though who knows how long people of his time live?)

An alien invasion generates skirmishes among mech pilots.

Steel Battalion- Heavy Armor-2082

Computers have stopped existing, probably as backlash for the whole "children as energy" shit. Also, there was a sever drought in creative mech design. Probably on account of the Mech centric city stompings in Cyberbots and Tech Romancer.

Megaman X: 21XX(A Hundred years after Megaman Uno. I.E. From 2100 to 2199)

Self aware machines initiate revolt against humanity.

Seriously, Boomerant. That's what he oughta be called.

Star Gladiator: -2348

Pangalactic Empire of one Bad Darth Vader clone falls.

Plasma Sword: Nightmare of Bilstein -2349

Pangalactic Empire strikes back with Ghost Darth Vader clone in tow.

Dino Crisis 3-2548

Clearly Jurassic Park AND 2001: A Space Odyssey have been forgotten, because some jerk scientists have decided to put their Jurassic Park inside their Rogue A.I. space station.

Megaman Legends-80XX

The earth is now mostly flooded and whether the people left in it are traditional humans is anyone's guess. I warned you guys abut the space dinos!

Monday, June 11, 2012

DC's Plain Ketchup

Dollar! The ALL-MIGHTY!

I hate to say I told you so. Wait, no. Love. I love to say it.

So, my good DC fans, I told you so. We debated for 5 years whether a Justice League film was better if built up by individual movies. Sure, the matter is mostly out of our controls. But did not a wiseman say all is in vain?

You guys said a Justice League movie bombing could kill the chances of solo films. So how did that go? Did you enjoy your Jonah Hex and Green Lantern solo films not leading into a single film? Where the theoretical solo films in jeopardy if it bombed? You know the answer to this one.

I told you so. I told if anything had a chance at existance at Dc it was a single strong solo film. I told you if the movies had not existed yet, it was reasonable not to expect them in the future.

Now WB  has suddenly stumbled out of bed, slobber rolling out the mouth.  "Whu..., a Billion dollars? I NEVER expected a well done and marketed movie with popular characters to make money! Do we have some of those characters?"

Oh, please pretend this recent slew of announcements isnt related to Marvel and Joss Whedons excellent Avengers. It's something that they started writting a while ago, they say. THING IS, at this point after the initial cancellation of Justice League : Mortal, there have been so many movies in writting phase its obvious it isnt a problem with capacity, but desire. WB doesn't need to have it's own Avengers. Did the Dark Knight not make them  a bunchload of cash?
I knew this baby would come in handy someday.

You guys got what you wanted, but lost what you had.I did tell you so.

So WB is calling me toos. Hell, I wanted to cash in on Avengers too. Whats the plan? Well, they'll fast track a movie with Lobo starring the The Rock. Then Shazam, also starring The Rock probably. That one won't happen.
At least we'll always have the rage...(snif)

A Wonder Woman movie script will join the pile. Flash might get made. Then Avengers 2 will come out, and once again industrial amounts of wishful thinking will fall out of WB regarding Justice League. And we get to do this all over again.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

What are you guys searching for this time? Michellee Rodriguez?

They say that having a good attitude is essential to our success. Which is why I'm baffled about this:

Bitch isn't goin' Phoenix now...

My send-off to the surly character Michelle Rodriguez has played 80 percent of her career is suddenly my most watched  post of all time, even compared to stuff  I actively plugged. Wow. You guys never get tired of seeing a pissed of lesbian Latina, don't you? Yeah, me neither. about some smiles, Michelle?

It is normal to spontaneusly evacuate when standing this close to  the M.R.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Are you bad at geography?

(I was not the genious who came up with Ajina. Wish I was, thought.)
...Well I can help! But I won't!

Monday, June 4, 2012

Unlicensed Lawyer: Punisher(2004)

The Punisher has had more reboots than Batman. In the movies at least. Despite being decades younger than Batman, Marvel's gritty, lethal vigilante has been tried by studios more times than DC's gritty, less lethal vigilante. And oddly enough, it never has been as succesfull as to actually justify more. It's going on the fifth now, a T.V. series that has Frank Castle being a cop by day, and the Punisher by night.

Fans are never satisfied with these Punisher Movies. But studios just can't stop welcoming back Frank into our multimedia screens. This discrepancy is easilly explainable.

The Punisher is an 80s movie. You remember those. It's about the toughest motherfucker in the world, forced into taking justice into his own hands by that 80s Crime wave. Movies like Death Wish and Cobra sort of defined the genre. If you want to make Punisher right, you make an old Steven Seagal Movie and paint a skull insignia on his chest.

Thus, studios love the Punisher. A known franchise, with a built in base that only costs as much as your average squibs and explosions actioneer. No expensive customs or computer effects. No "getting the costume right". You don't even need a big action star name.You use the name "Punisher" to draw fans and the curious to your moderately budgeted action movie.

However, fans hate them, because, by and large, we aren't making that movie. The Punisher movies where certainly each something other than that core Punisher story where he hates crime and shoots people. I mean, yeah, he does that, but there's always a catch. The early 90s Dolph Lundgren movies completely ignored the title character's costume and had him ally with criminals. And I heard the latest one was an extremely weird and campy movie. But in my opinion, the 2004 movie starring Thomas Jane gets too much shit.

The movie changes Frank Catle's main setting from New York to Tampa, Florida, and the setting to his family's death from getting into a shootout unrelated to them in Central Park to getting a hit put on them on Puerto Rico(though I'm guessing that was also filmed in Tampa). Punisher's skull shirt is bought by his son on my Home Island, allegedly told it had some kind of mystical protective force. The guy who runs Hot Topic was just playing with you, kid.

Further on, the sound bite, sort to speak, is that a criminal is fake tortured by Punisher, and let go. The method, a pretend skin melting involving a blowtorch, an icicle pop, and a steak, is as unbelievable as it is silly, lead many to say:" hey, this isn't what Punisher would do! He would actually smelt the guy and then kill him!"

Now, I don't argue that this sillyness is not really what Punisher would do in most core Punisher stories. When Punisher gets silly, it usually involved Frankenstein, Eminem, or Archie. But the fact that it's not a page by page of a Marvel Knights book does not in fact make it a bad movie.

You see, way, I see it, whoever gets the writer or director job to Punisher usually goes: "Pfft! Why do we pay for a comic license for an 80s movie? I'm not making no 80s movie!". However, Punisher 2004 actually has a lot of that. It has a montage of Punisher getting himself ready and prepping his base.The Punisher's vehicle of choice is a big American Muscle car. Punisher actually fights "El Mariachi" and "Ivan Drago" in them!

The Punisher's method is less "Death Wish" and more " Count of Monte Cristo", as the Punisher, rather than try and get vengeance on a poorly cast John Travolta directly by shooting him in the head, let's the vices of the criminal family destroy him morally first. Sure, it's not very Punisherey, but he does push him into a skull shaped series of explosions at the end.

You see, you KNOW that the criminals aren't gonna kill Frank Castle. They aren't. The tension of the movie needed to be something other than whether The Punisher could take down the crime family, because indeed, that part of it seemed patently easy. But this movie examines the fact that Frank Castle is eternally grieving. That's a point most of this kinds of movies avoid. In most of these "avenge my family" movies, the guy walks off more badass and more complete after achieving their goal. Here, Castle puts a gun under his chin.

It's not an adventure, being the Punisher. He lost his family, and he can't fucking get over it. And he's decided he's not gonna get over it. He's gonna get even. But you're kiddin' yourself if you think he's not in intense agony.

So, yeah, it's not a perfect movie, and certainly not the blue print for a Punisher adaptation. And yeah, the villains are pretty bland and forgettable. And yes, he lets that one guy go. It's a silly action movie with some interesting characterization, peppered with homages. That makes it...what, the best Punisher movie so far?