Monday, January 31, 2011

M.U.G.E.N. Colony Page 10

A comic I was working on  last year, but didn't finish has reappeared. Not being able to post it on Indie-planet, I settled for  posting it here.

The story concerns Goverment agents who police Superheroes and other Superbeings. Care for it? It's after the jump.

In this page, the truth makes you crazy.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

M.U.G.E.N. Colony Page 9

A comic I was working on  last year, but didn't finish has reappeared. Not being able to post it on Indie-planet, I settled for  posting it here.

The story concerns Goverment agents who police Superheroes and other Superbeings. Care for it? It's after the jump.

In this page, color slowly fades from the world because of my lazyness

Horrendous Theory: The real hero of Jurassic Park

Both. Both farted.
Folks, some heroes are born, others are made.

The Jurassic Park series is fraught with them, from   great white hunters who risk nature's prehistoric savagery to save lives, to a young girl who didn't make the gymnastics class because she needed that little push that kicking a  velociraptor to death can give.
If you think African American teenage girls and Velociraptors makes this better, that's because it  does.

But I'm here to tell you nonE of those guys are the hero of the series. There is only one hero in this franchise.

And it's this guy.

The Tyrannosaurus Rex.  And this is the part where you go, "Oooooh! The T Rex wasn't a hero! He was a lumbering beast who ate anyone who didn't run as far away from him as possible". Don't be naive. The T Rex is the deadliest, biggest dinosaur in the first two films. If it wanted to kill and eat  every single person in the film, he'd just have. Should he even bother with people? Clearly we're mere snacks to a creature that size.

 In the first film, in fact, he only ate that lawyer, who need I remind you, abandoned children to a T-REX.
Unlike CERTAIN people, T Rex are all about the youngsters.

And sure, in the second movie he killed that guy who was rescuing the dangling people and those others in the group and that guy in San Diego. But they took his friggin' kid! He didn't  kill people who weren't either stupid Ingen assholes or involved with his kid's disappearance. Or tourist. Fuck those guys.
It's all about the family with this guys.

In the third film, he actually fought the grittier, darker Spinosaurus, but took a dive, give the new guy a chance.  Spinosaurus then broke all the sacred rules of dinosauring, including busting through perfectly burstable enclosures.


But the biggest evidence comes from the first film. You know this scene: A couple and some kids where escaping from velociraptors, the ninjas of the dinosaur world, by dangling dangerously from hanging dinosaur bones. One by one, each  of  the bones gives way and  falls to the ground. The people, uninjured, try to escape, but the raptors surround them. It's only a matter of time before one of them pounces, and one of them does. Except a Tyrannosaurus catches him in his mouth.
Kids today need to be reminded Dinosaurs used to do awesome stuff all the time before...this.

Now, Jurassic Fight Club taught me that dinosaurs probably wheren't great strategists. With  their small brains, they could only turn on the idea of eating, and turn it off to mate. So what is the point of a Rex stealthilly making his way into a building(which must have taken some work), sneaking up on a scene where predation is about to occur, and actually attack the predators? Eating the humans could have been just as well. You scare away the raptors with a display, then eat the humans.

Then the Rex goes to work on the other raptor, giving the group time to escape. He does not EAT the raptors, he simply shows them up throwing them like the fucking ragdolls they are.  And once alone, this happens.
Not the hero Jurassic Park deserves, but the hero Jurassic Park needs.

Clearly, this is not a mindless beast of carnage, but a misunderstood savior, a good samaritan who never intended harm on the kids or the archeologists. And though our languages are different, in another world we might call him hero.

Friday, January 28, 2011

F.A.R.T. Back for moar.


It's once again time to check the latest attempts at  less than greatest attempts at Fan Art DA has to offer! That's right, it's the return of Fan Art Review Time! Or whatever the hell the T used to stand for!

Our first choice brought me back on the game. If I saw this anywhere else than on DA I would shrug it.

At least they didn't take previously made jobs and called them their own.

Yes, pasted an image of the 911 terrorist attacks, and wrote to it's left it was an inside job.

I don't want to waste your time with my opinion  of  911-iz-inside-jobz, but come on. It's called "Deviant Art", not "Deviant propaganda". You want to say 911 was really done by Leopard Women from Venus riding giant saurians? FINE. Just put it in ART FORM. Don't just put this shit up there!

Man, it really has been awhile. I'm having trouble finding truly disturbing/bad art. Let's check the mines. That is, Sonic Fandom.
Here's 3 things you should imagine Shadow saying 1)Hmp!2) Maria...3) I am the ultimate life form!

This is why we can't have nice things, guys. I wonder how the thought train goes. "Shadow is a cold, Emo hedgehog who is constantly remembering a single girl from his past. So, duh, it's obvious he'd go gay for Sonic The Hedgehog. And they would celebrate their love with giant chocolate covered pickles, right? Wut wut?"

ANd you know, sometimes the pencil can do things that put bitmap to shame. In fact, those times are usually always. S'ides, Sonic shoulld look bigger, since he's closer.

I can't show you the next one in full. Be aware that apparently looking at drawings of naked teens can land you in hot water.
It was old Mr Rapedungeon all along!
Yes, in this commission, someone requested a drawing of Daphne, of Scooby Do fame, naked and crucified. Except  she has comepletely abnormal genitalia, which seems to consist of a tongue coming from under where her vagina should be.

What amazes me is that this was commissioned. I understand comissions is where a guy pays money and then you draw what he asks, correct? THe thought that someone payed money for such simple, terribla art is trully disheartening.

M.U.G.E.N. Colony Page 8

A comic I was working on  last year, but didn't finish has reappeared. Not being able to post it on Indie-planet, I settled for  posting it here.

THe story concerns Goverment agents who police Superheroes and other Superbeings. Care for it? It's after the jump.

In this page,the tractor beam has a hitchiker.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Eat this! A rant.

Both feature nude women who won't take your meat unless you pay...

When I was younger, I was a fairly picky eater. I would not eat a single bean of most kinds, which, being Puertorican means i threw away roughly half of every plate I ever recieved.

As I grew up, I came to see that whatever food was being offered to me was the result of hard work and sacrifice from my parents, or a blessing that other children in the world would be thankfull for.  That the nutrition this terrible tasting treats brought me was the only difference between me, and someone who's DEAD right now.

At this point, the idea of eating solely vegetables, was something I would shun forever.

See, my earlier years where in a rural-ish area (where Val Verde's gonna be) in my grandparent's house, so I knew exactly what  that chicken drumstick looks like  before it arrives in the plate. In fact, I actively wanted to see the process, but my Grandma(get well, Granny!Jehova este contigo!) would not let me, feeling i was too sensible.

My sister, however, was not born into such an enviroment, this is one of the reasons I think shaped her desition to become a non meat eater(not entirely sure ifi t's veganism of vegetarianism). Thanks to cool rich white people like Paul McCartney and Onision, my sister won't even eat food that was NEAR meat. I wish she was more mature about this. Which is why I am venting. I feel if done right, the whole Vegan thing can  at least partially work, but if done wrong it can go very badly.

Now before I start the rant, let me just say that I get it. I don't agree with it, but I get it. You want to be good to "something" or someone or anything and there's much, much suffering int he world. So you take up a thing in hopes you can silence that little voice at night asking if you are good or bad. I know that's why I took up the faith.

And I don't mind what other people eat, or what they eat it for, as long as it doesn't affect me.

That said, it's stupid.
Perhaps I can interest you in THEEZ NUTS!

Stupid, stupid, stupid. And I need to break down how stupid it is. I will do that now.

Let me put it in the form of a question: Are we equal, superior, or inferior to other animals in value?

Let's say your answer is equal. We are equal in value, and thus have the same rights.That means there is such a thing as universal life rights. How far does it extend? Slugs? Amoeba? Protozoa?
Oh, you know how this ends!

So let's roll with it. Every being has a right to live. So what are you gonna do about THIS guy?

He's clearly violating the Moose's right to existence. But how are you going to stop him without violating his rights to existence? Are you gonna put in animal jail? What about animals that aren't omnivores, like lions and houscats? What are you going to feed them in order for them not to die? What are we gonna do about slave maker ants? If we're all equal, how come it's just us who have to be responsible to other species? If animals have our same rights as us, but none of the responsibilities, that means we're not equal. We're INFERIOR.
You know what foxes eat? Hint: it's not tofu, Noob Saibot.

"But" you interject, "we're not living in the wild anymore! Our meat comes from giant meat processing plants that are (all, at same time) cruel and evil and they cut the cow here, and throw the chicken there and stuff. We don't need to eat meat!".
They savages! I get all nutirents I need from dried wood!

You see, the problem I have with this thinking is twofold. First, YOU'RE not living in the wild. More than half of the population of the world doesn't have access to  supermarkets, let alone soy milk. Also, you're not living in the wild RIGHT NOW. It's entirely possible that tomorrow an earthquake or a tsunami or global disaster could change what you have access to. During the great depression people made food out of things you wouldn't even look at as food today, and that was less than 100 years ago. If you're a vegetarian that's fine,but don't judge, because your diet could suddenly change to boot leather and your own words faster than you think. You're a Vegan because of the same industrialization and advancements that allow the rest of us to dine on dead animals.

Second, by worrying about individual chickens possibly getting their gibs cut off, you are forgetting that we're running out of  other species. We grow those chickens specifically to kill and eat them. We have plenty. But once the polar bear is gone, there ain't gonna be no more fuckin' polar bears.

I mean, the polar bears could probably use some of them chicken wings. So it seems to me people concerned with animals should look at the bigger picture. Pick the worthwhile battles. But I guess it's harder to fund a trip to Africa to help stop illegal poaching than to fund a trip to Grampa Nuggets Chicken farm to grief and film a lot.

"But what have you done? At least P.E.T.A. is doing something, unlike you!"
I guess a vegan diet is high in CONDESCENDIUM.

Is that what you're thinking? I have bad news.

Let's say you wake up in the morning, have a "cruelty free" breakfast, put on a clean shirt and pants, head out with your friends in your car hang out,smoke a joint and buy some candy and an IPhone, and go see "The Cove" on cinemas. You return home, and you jerk off to some porn. At least you did something, right?
A great hero to animals and an activist.
But let's read between the lines.

Let's say you wake up in the morning(because your ancestors gutted their enemies), have a "cruelty free" breakfast(that underpaid, illegal inmigrants toiled under the sun for), put on a clean shirt and pants(That a child in China's getting less than 1 cent for making), head out with your friends in your car(That supports the oil business. Nuff said) hang out, smoke a joint(and thus support thousands of murders by the drug cartels) and buy some candy(bought cheaply thanks to fucking indentured slaves) and an IPhone(That a child in China's getting less than 1 cent for making), and go see "The Cove" on cinemas. You return home, and you jerk off to some porn(and thus indirectly support the illegal kidnapping and rape of many people across the world by supporting the existence of porn).

An evil asshole who supports war, torture, murder, slavery and poverty.
See, you did SOMETHING, but in balance, is it really a real something? On the one hand, yes, 2.5 chickens did not die for your nourishment today, but on the other hand you supported war and slavery and rape. OUCH. If faced with a literal choice of supporting slavery or killing and eating a chicken, would this be your choice?

And don't we all "do something?" that doesn't make us saints, or make our actions excusable. I helped my neighbor with her son's projects for school, free of charge multiple times. See, I did do something. Can I act like a manhole whenever someone else don't do it?
This are the nuts I offered you earlier. Are you still interested in this nuts?
I know you feel bad that bad stuff has to happen for you to be where you are. But understand that some of us see life differently. We place a value on animals life and existence, but much like animals, our own species takes priority. We aren't that different, in that sense. In fact, in that sense, we're actually a little better. In the end all life ends, and all matter is consumed eventually.

So go on. Be a Vegan or Vegeta or Raditz or what have you. Just remember that the point is to be less of an asshole, not asshole for something in particular.

Lupinkogate:You where right I was wrong

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Lupinkogate: THE IMAGE


M.U.G.E.N. Colony Page 7

A comic I was working on  last year, but didn't finish has reappeared. Not being able to post it on Indie-planet, I settled for  posting it here.

THe story concerns Goverment agents who police Superheroes and other Superbeings. Care for it? It's after the jump.

In this page, my love for background shines...

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Scolding Reviews-The King of Fighters

Do NOT wake up with the king.

 Fighting games and Movies have not yet found a perfect blend. Mortal Kombat was a cheesefest, Street Fighter was campy, then boring, Dead or Alive was  a breezy actioneer with plenty of hot ladies. And I'm not holding my breath for Soul Calibur.
No, I don't think I should.

But the King of the bad fighting game adaptation has now been crowned. KOF is so completely and consistently terrible, It would take Uwe Boll adapting War Gods to possibly rival it.

This isn't so bad it's good. This is so bad, you apologize to people before it ends. Let me put it this way: You know Ray Park, Stuntman/martial artist/actor had his voiced dubbed in Star Wars: Ep: I because he was TOO BAD FOR STAR WARS EPISODE I? He's one of the best actors in this wretched pile.

I don't really know how faithful KOF is too the games. I'm more of a Capcom guy, and what I know from KOF comes mostly from Mugen, frankly. So I guess fandom isn't why this film is so terribad.

It begins with a shower scene with no nudity, as we meet Mai, who is one of our leads. Mai as I understand it is played for laughs/fanservice, with her ridiculously bouncy breasts and her crush on something called an "Andy". Here, she is neither funny, not really THAT sexy. I mean, she's hot, but they should have gotten a pornstar.  I usually don't make that kind of casting suggestion, but it's not like this movie's acting would be worsened by it.
Here's Maggie Q, looking more like Mai than she does on this movie.

So Mai puts this holographic hearing aid, and she's seemingly drifts magically to a meat locker and gets into a mock fight with a douche in a coat. I say a mockfight because neither of them seem to be into it. It seems serious enough, there's balls of snakes flying and some things the fighters do cause electricity and stuff, but they're friends. Friends who punch  each other in the chest with lightening.

So Mai wins, and the titles are shown, while discount store  Linkin Park plays. It's gawfull.

Later we meet Iori, who I think is KOF's Akuma. Fittingly, here he looks like Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game's Akuma .
Look at me! I'm an airplane! Ewwwwwwrn!

Iori is Mai's boyfriend or some shit. And as a romantic gesture after a century of vague talk, he takes her to the Boston Cultural Museum to exhibit the SUPER TREASURE TRINKETS OF POWER. She's worried that this MIGHTY SUPER POWERFUL TRINKETS are exposed  to being stolen, but whoever it is is running the whole tournament thing(did not get it, they where practically muttering) likes to show off.

The the villain shows up, waves a gun around and steals them.

Hey, If I can't show of my super Macguffin at a museum with  3 guards, why did we move to Boston for?

Our villain Rugal, played by Ray Park, is apparently a former fighter of the whole interdimensional tournament thing. So he shows up puts a gun to the guards, slashes up the tournaments matron figure, and while Iori and Mai are tending to her, loots the hell out of the treasures.

The security is terrible, but I guess you would expect the worlds strongest interdimentional fighters to be able to deal with one guy with a gun.
Seriously, shoot him.

With the Super trinkets of power, Iori now controls the other dimension and  can freely do anything on it. The other dimension is nothing special, visually. Mostly abandoned warehouses and empty, dirty hallways. I mean, it's less Outworld and more broken down housing projects. My hope is that this dimension's version of the JLA are all Hobos.

So skip to  somewhere else, where Kyo, who should maybe be a little Asian, if only because his Japanese father, who is comatose in bed is reading some philosophy and remembering that he used to train with him. . His dad eyerolls at his terrible acting.

Mai is also shown to meet with her boss, because she's a CIA agent. Her boss is called Terry Bogard, though  he doesn't look anything like the guy I downloaded for Mugen.

Eventually Mai and Iori meet Kyo at his father's bedside, which awakens Kyo's dad, and also drives him murderous rage/heart failiure.

Meanwhile, Rugal has been trying to convince fighters that it's cool  to enter the game, even though the Matron woman says that it's totally dangerous.

Cue the lesbians! These two...well, we only know  they do Yoga so I guess Yogi women called Vice and Mature(Seriously, who names a kid VICE?) decide the two of them can totally handle it. So they enter the dimension together, which they didn't even know was allowed. Didn't KOF had a tag team option somewhere?

Rugal appears to them first as a street hockey player. It is very sad.  Rugal proceeds to act like an idiot and kick their asses. He then sort of makes out with one of them and I think that steals her soul or something? And then blackmails the other into getting more fighters for him to kill. Then I think he rapes her.

 You may think I am kidding, so I'm putting the gif of it below, and you tell me if it is or isn't what happened.
This is just...disturbing

So Iori, Mai and Bogard team up and try to get Kyo to help, even though Kyo has Smallville-ike resolve to not becoming the hero he was destined to be. Boggard blows Mai's cover and it's all talk for a bit. Iori tires and uses the Magic Bluetooth to get to Rugal, who has arranged a bunch of mannequins. Iori fights the Lesbians, until they pin him down and then he hulks out. WIth the possesed by the dark hadou he makes short work of the Lesbians, but fails to kill Rugal.

Your motivation is mannequins  creep the hell out of you.
They talk for a million years, until Iori has another plan. Make KYO take on Rugal. Amazingly, he convinces Kyo to take a stab at it. Rugal, disapointed Mai isn't him, decides to beat  Kyo up and send him back to his own world alive. I do not know why he does this. He's been killing other fighters offscreen. In any case, it's good, because I'm sure Iori would have been kicking himself.

Kyo,and the gang are joined by the Matron Lady, who is in a wheelchair because remember, Rugal cut her tummy up with a katana. They decide they are all heading into Rugal's world because the movie's almost over and they must overcome their crippling fear of ganging up on  a guy. Then the Matron gets out of her wheelchair, because shit is serious. She's healed and I don't know why what or who made it. She should be shitting in a bag.

A long ass boring, poorly choreographed fight between Kyo(who has a Katana the whole time) Mai, Iori and Terry and Rugal and his amazing rape victims ensues.  It's broken up a bit when Iori hulks out and decides to fight Kyo, or when Terry decides he needs his hat from the game and punches it out of an unsuspecting old man. Our heroes use the Super trinkets and fail, Matron lady dies and then Kyo produces a magic fire-sword and throws it at Rugal's head with an effect not dissimilar to this.
He's riding the dinosaur train to hell.

Fuck this movie.

Look I like Charlies Angels, I enjoyed the Transformers series, and I bought Hoodwinked. I need you to understand I'm far from a film snob or an elitist. I enjoys movies you probably hate.This movie has stuff I crave in movies, like fireballs and interracial lesbianism so I feel I SHOULD like it. Still, this movie is so atrociously filmed, so boring so disparate and  so cliched no one can possibly enjoy it. Not even one such as I...

Fuck this movie forever.