Wednesday, December 18, 2013

5 things to expect now that M.U.G.E.N. 3D exists (headsplode)

First of all, I apologize for calling EF 12 Mugen 3D. I realize the makers of EF 12  might or might not enjoy comparison of their project to Elecbyte's popular fighting game making engine. However, for people like me, who know about M.U.G.E.N since before Spider-Man 2,  that's the shortest, fastest way to describe what EF 12 is. What it MEANS to us.

If you don't know what I'm talking  about, EF 12 is a new, free program to make 3D fighting games(But 3d as in polygonal, not 3d as in "costly movie tickets and a raging headache). Fighting games, you may have heard, are kind of my jam. And frankly, a 3D fighter maker is something I google for every once in a while.

So, unable to test it out, I will tell you what to expect, based on my 10 years experience as a MUGEN forum lurker with big dreams of Frankenspriting Sakura into Mary Marvel.  I'll clarify: MUGEN is a 2D fighting game making engine that's over a decade old, and has carved for itself a sizable community, despite the engine's lack of official support.

5) More Ryu's that need to exist will.

See? We couldn"t do this without the Airforce, just like Josh Duhamel said.
If you wanted to say "fighting games" to someone who can't hear you, drawing Ryu, Street Fighter's mascot, would probably be the most effective way. The character is basically fighting games personified.

Naturally ,  withing months of MUGEN's existence Ryu's started to pop up. Ryu from Street Fighter 2, Ryu from Street Fighter Alpha, Ryu from the vs series, Ryu from Street Fighter 3, Evil Ryu. Soon every kind of Ryu one existed in some form or another.  And all was well.
But let's be fair's kind of a thing.

Then more kept coming. CyberRyu, God Ryu, Devil Ryu. Ryu Hoshi(who had the ability to call his shoto buds). Even today it's not odd to find some newer, differenter Ryu's come to life. Admittedly, I'm nobody to tell creators what characters to make in their own games. But what about the other characters?

4)Every Character will be on it.
This is fairly normal actually, because it doesn't have  those crazy Hotel Mario chars.

Creating a character in MUGEN was way over my head. However, I was often amazed at the characters people would make, when they weren't making Fiscally Responsible Ryu and Tax Evasor Akuma. Characters from non fighting games, characters edited into other characters, and even some original ones every odd moon made browsing for characters a hoot.

Trust me when I say that that is nothing compared to what EF 12 will be like. Did you know that there is a program out there that can rip the models righto out of a game? That's the way they get Cammy along with  the Spy from Team Fortress in Source film editor.
I don't even want to know what's going on here.

Basically what I'm saying is that getting Liara from Mass Effect into EF 12 will be way easier than getting Every detailed sprite of Magneto to look like Superman. Hell, if I can rip my custom characters from Champions Online into it, then believe me that we're gonna get  all the superheroes in there.

3)Every Character will be naked
Not...uh...not every character that is IN EF 12 will be naked. But every character that can be naked in it probably will be.

Even in the earlier years of MUGEN, enterprising character makers saw the potential for naked Chun Li's and Naked Psylockes. By turning tight pants and  shirts beige they would make seemingly naked  characters(something I will admit to doing in Create a Wrestler modes before whole hands could be poligonated). Certain characters, like Raiya from Toki Densho and  R. Mika from Street Fighter Alpha only had real estate in the community as Naked edits of the real things.

So, we already talked about Sourceforge, and how people are ripping characters, huh? Well it's already "gone there" and I have full confidence that it EF 12 will be going there, for good or for ill.

2) There will be fights
I mean, obviously, right?
Now in the MUGEN community there are different types of temperaments, but basically a lot of people have a lot of invested emotions in their creations, even if said creations are putting a Fez on Ryu and calling him Morocco Ryu. The idea of other people forwarding, "warehousing", altering without credit and even sharing before release their characters and stages outside of their permission has cause large swaths of flamewars to cover the community. Sometimes, despite releasing characters publicly, some creators tend to have a dim view of those who finally enjoy their work.

How will this affect EF 12? Well, I bet a lot of EF's content creators will come from the MUGEN community. I know I would. EF 12 apparently has the same character sharing capacities.

Why I could imagine someone, say, creating a  3D model of Cyclops, and making it available on a community site. Naturally, if it starts showing up elsewhere as a playable character, how will that person react?

All I'm saying is, there's a war coming. But it doesn't matter because...

1) It's probably way over my head
Could not even get it to run in my first computer.

I don't mean to poo-poo EF 12. It's probably great. I don't have a computer to test it on, though. I'm just recalling the feeling I had when I first heard of MUGEN. A chance to finally put all my crazy Ideas for a fighting game to work. Sadly it wasn't to be. Mugen's requirements were, at the time, a little to high for me. It took a bit of technical knowhow, and even the sprites couldn't work if you didn't put the right pallette's on them. Soon I went back to the sidelines, watching people edit Spider-Man into Batman Beyond.

Will it be the same, now? hard to say. I'll give it a try as soon  as possible. I'm a little wiser now, and I'm even working on  a little thing on Yoyo Gamemaker which...we'll see. Still, if there's a spot for a lurker in the EF12 community, I want it.

Fighting for your attention

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Fighting for your attention

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Fighting for your attention

Monday, December 2, 2013

Scolding Review: The Jetsons Movie

But is there rap? BECAUSE THERE HAS TO BE!

Who doesn't like the Jetsons? Lots of people. Let's face it, the Jetsons will always play second fiddle to the Flinstones. Where the Stone age family gets a duration record that wouldn't be broken in decades, two live action movies, and recent talk of a new, Seth MacFarleyized reboot, The Jetsons has merely a string of TV movies, a  development-hell movie that would star Will Ferrel, if it existed, and the odd videogame here or there.  There will never be a time where they won't be the  Rival Schools to the Flinstones' Street fighter, the Antz to their  A Bug's Life, the Neo Geo Pocket to their Gameboy.

Haha, stupid! In the future nobody's gonna do sports!

So, I don't know what's not appealing enough for these characters that they can't even shill cereal and vitamins(even though the first is done fairly effective by a dazed looking bear and anemia, respectively.). I was fairly young when this was on reruns, and I don't remember much of it, except for it stubbornly not being about neither Robocop nor Ninja Turtles. With those 2 strikes against it, let's look at the Jetsons movie, and rediscover what the future looked like in the 50's when remembered by the early 90s.

 As our story begins, as in the series we get a good look, and sung fanfare at, most members of the family. There's George Jetson, who dislikes going to work in the morning but does so. His wife Jane who is  a woman. It doesn't bring in any other traits for her than that. His son Elroy, who is  a kid prodigy of sorts, and also has A GAME that he would be SAD if his FATHER didn't get to it(not to skip ahead, but every time a movie presents a kid who has a game and wants his father to watch, it is for the purposes of him not showing up and getting the lesson that he needs to be more involved in his children''s life). And finally Judy, who is  a teenager girl, in the most broad, stereotypical form. There's Astro, the dog, combining the least endearing traits of Dino and Scooby Doo. There's also the Robot maid, Rosie. Sigh. I have never met someone who has a maid, so I'm going to assume everyone in America Circa 1950's had one. Rosie raises the building itself to get the family out of the smog, a quick set up for the themes of the movie and a reminder that everything needs to be postmodernist.

Middle Name Chopped. Last name Liver.

So George leaves this cardboard cutouts and heads for work in his Float-Car. But a traffic jam occurs, in complete defiance to the concepts that would make a flying car practical. In order to resolve this common man trouble with some ingenue he inflates a cop-shaped baloon, and makes siren sounds to convince everyone to make way. However a real cop comes along, and reprimands him.

While he's at work, his boss, MR Spacely, is holding a chairholder's meeting. Basically, the board pressures Spacely to reduce costs, Spacely points out his offplanet factory/mine  could do it, and all it needs is someone to run it,  and that the last 2  people to apply for the job ran away. Meanwhile, Elroy, who never evar convinces me his voice is a child's, is schooling some chumps in Spaceketball(okay, it's called Spaceball, but my version is more accurate.) and Judy and her friend, Bizarro Space Daria, are a at a teen kids music place(I assume she's skipping school.) when the coolest most handsome space singer there, Cosmic Cosmo, invites her for a date, set for a few days in the future.

But then they get some mood whiplash when George saunters into the home announcing he's now the vice president and they're moving. Elroy is now no longer sad his dad missed his game, and Judy is throwing a fit all over the place. This is played for laughs, but later we're gonna get a horrible song out of it.
Get over it. I moved like 7 times as a kid, and I turned out fine, for a man that argues with cartoons.
So the family moves and we get a few weak gags out of it. There's a zany family of green Wookies that they have as neighbors, and there's also also a family of robots.  I get a feeling both of these were meant to be black and we all know in the future-50's-90's there's no blacks. Seriously, I didn't see any.

The female of the robot family invites the women to a mall, which brings Judy out of her marasm. Meanwhile, George goes to work, because this is what men do. Men can't be bothered to go to their kid's games or loiter in malls all day, like women.

However, soon George learns that the plant is not all fun and games. There's also some ill(advised) early 90s rap about how the factory works. It's painful but quick, like being stabbed in the eye by a Kenyan.

Judy separates and heads off to the "nature zone" of the mall, so we can get her super sad ballad about being heartbroken. Look, I don't remember The Jetsons having any songs, and if it did, they probably weren't this terrible. Eventually she stumbles upon a new boy to love, who looks like the bastard son of Captain Planet and Two-Face.
 And Elroy is now getting schooled by his kid neighbor robot AT Spaceball. See, I told you. Black. Eventually all this set up leads to George Jetson ceremonially starting the factory, which immediately starts going bonkers and shooting sprockets around. Elroy who has been building animosity towards his neightbot, saves him, even though, well he's a robot. How much can he be hurt by a piece of metal?

With the pressure on him to somehow make the factory work,  George is ever more determined to get results. but somehow the plant keeps failing. Eventually George's coworker fesses up and reveals that the plant is probably being sabotaged. George decides that the best course of action would be letting the higher ups know so they can  launch a full assessment and investigation. Or wait at work while it's dark with a flashlight, like a jackass.

His kid, the Sasquatch kid, and the Robot Kid also launch their own investigation, worrying the parents of 2 of those kids because Space Sasquatches are terrible at parenting. Eventually George goes missing, and the kids stumble into the darkest truth, that the saboteurs are...CUTE LIL'  SPACE MONCHICHEES!
If it's smart enough to accessorize, it's smart enough to be tried for sabotage.

Indeed, under the factory, right next to the ore mining drill, live this happy go lucky, highly marketable  space babies, who are having their home destroyed by the BIG BAD CORPORATION! As intelligent beings capable of speech their only hope of survival has been to ecoterrorize  the factory! And to make sure we get the point that the monchichees are in the right, the hairy sasquatch baby hug-shields the monchichi from Astro. I think that moment gave me diabetes.
I have since learned that you don't get Diabetes strictly from eating too much sugar. I hope that makes the fact I got it from this funnier.
Then George Jetson comes out of the woods, tied and gagged. It's clear the furballs, much like their direct inspiration the Ewoks, meant to kill and eat George, as they probably did to the people he's substituting. But he's still the asshole who's supposed to understanding, and he's still the one who has to compromise with the Space Monchichees according to everyone, including Captain Planet looking dude.

To even further drive who the assholes here are, Mr Spacely arrives, and tries to start the machine. The robot worker insists that he don't  without ever pointing out specifically that he's probably killing  a few people. Spacely kills the robot, and  goes on with the drilling, sending deadly rock debris flying at the Jetsons and putting them all in perilous risk.

Eventually  Jetson and his family get out, and try to stop  the machine, which his boss does not allow. Now, I think the roughly 5 people involved could take on Spacely, since he's like 3'5, has  like 50+ years, and wields no weapons. But because that would be too direct, George jumps  into a hole where a series of gags occur, and busts the machine.

Forced  by this space mutiny, Spaceley is strong armed into a deal were the Monchichi's do all of the work for nothing(because destroying the environment bad, sweatshops good?), the factory is exclusively are recycling plant, and  I guess all the Sprockets go on be part of Bono's hype machine. However, the family must return to Earth, and leave behind all their new friends. With tears in their eyes, they travel on. Awful 90's rap aaaaand scene!

So uh, that sure was some movie, huh? Never even nearly as clever and funny as it thinks, The Jetsons movie is abrasively progressive with it's politics while having some pretty retrograde characterization. The characters are a little too dull, and don't have consistent motivations, or in the case of Jane Jetson just plain have no motivation at all. The animations is mostly so-so, and the songs...are fucking terrible.  So what can I say? It's kind of subaverage at best. So perfect for the Jetsons, I guess.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Rigorous application of logic Episode II

 In this new series I will dedicate a whole post to a flawed character, concept or story, as compared to real life.

 The trope of the cop who always gets his man is one we've come to respect, regardless of how
irrealistic it is.You admire begrudgingly admire Tommy Lee Jones for being a hardass in
trying to catch Harrison Ford. "Here's a determined cop who we wish really existed." you might think. But
when filtered through the angle of real life, these characters are flawed.

Like tonight's subject, Javert.
You best bring me two more hoagies\ and 3 large ice cream cones . And you better make it hasty\ or I'll hit you with a phooone! 

Inspector Javert is a 17th century French Judge Dredd, up to and including declaring himself
the law. Thematically, he represents the kind of impersonal "justice" that Jean Valjean feels
that took him 19 years of his life.He accepts no bargains, no please, and has no mercy. When told that a person stole because a child was starving, is response is "You'll starve again!" When told that a child  will die if he arrests a woman, he quickly declares goes "Tell it to the judge". Javert just don't care.

So naturally, when  a parolee on his care, the aformentioned Jean Val Jean, runs the hell
away, he's on the case. He hunts the guy for 8 years, eventually finding him under a false
identity as the mayor of the town. Long sung story short, he chases the guy across France
for 20 years.When the guy disproves his chief operating theory that "criminals all suck", he
jumps into a river to his death.

Now discuss: Is Javert just the most badass detective ever? I mean, he chased a man for 20
years because he stole a loaf of breeeeead. Sure, he might have earned himself some "false
identity" and "fraud" and "assaulting a officer" along the way, but for the first 8 years,
this was the extent of his crime.

Now, how many criminals do you think Javert was supposed  to actually arrest. How many
parole breakers? How many rapists and thieves and Lindsay Lohan's where there to arrests in
the 17th century? Probably many, right? And here old Javert spends 8 years of his life
investigating  a parolee for a minor infraction.Can you imagine reporting back that you spent damn near a decade looking for some old man who stole some bread once?

However, outside of Public Enemy 24601, Javert just doesn't seem to be very effective. His attempt to  infiltrate the Revolutionaries failed utterly. Upon finding the subject of his obsession, Javert completely failed to stop the old man, like 3 times, even when having the advantage of a weapon. Even more heinously, when Valjean was almost robbed by the real deal criminals, the Thernadiers, he let them go as soon as he realized Valjean had been there. He's litterally letting real criminals go to pursue this dumb chase.
You know, this could be any other movie they're in.
Javert ain't no badass. He's just an ineffective, obsessive nut.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Applied Logic: Episode I

 In this new series I will dedicate a whole post to a flawed character, concept or story, as compared to real life.

Let's be real. Not everyone in the train Superman stopped is good. Some might even be so bad
that their demise might be considered a silver lining should anyone find out what he did to
those orphans.

However, there are other kinds of characters, the ones that just seem like sexually
attracted to being killed, that just don't seem worth saving. Let us consider ow, the plight of Boomer, a remarkable dog in and unusual position.
"Fame is NOT a bitch, sadly."

I bring to your attention the case of Independence Day.
Now, this movie's bound to be on TV at least once a year, so you've probably seen it. If
not, I'ma just give you the scene.

Aliens are blowing the crap out of New York with some slow-moving explosions. Over the
horizon and through it's streets a limbering wall of fire and debris is flying  towards

Vivica A Fox, her kid, and  their faithful golden retriever Boomer.  When she notices this,
they ditch their gridlocked car and run away to escape. Running into  a bridge, Vivica
notices  a door. She kicks it open. It's a desperate plan, and one I think would probably
not work in real life.

The kid asks where Boomer is.

Boomer is like 10 feet away from them. Boomer isn't nervously bounding. He didn't
desperately run away from the explosion. He just then, with no regards to the Tsunami of
taxis that aproached, decided he needed to rest on a pick up truck's haul.

"Boomer!" She yells, probably too scared too add "You stupid fucking Dog! Get in here before
you fucking die!"
"I'm not the kind of woman to let the dogs out!"
Boomer turns his head towards his owner. It's not exactly clear why he was staring the hell
away from his owners AND the mass death that endangered them all. Maybe he saw some
squirrels. Maybe he felt death was inevitable. Maybe this was filmed on a soundstage where
the dog was waiting for his offscreen trainer to give him the command to leap over things.

Regardless, Boomer now pays attention.
Oh, you mean ME Boomer. Heh.

The rest is movie history. Boomer leaps from car to car and eventually jumps into the door
just as the fire comes through. For some reason the energy from the explosion doesn't
somehow enter the room and blow the 3 of them away, and rather the explosion passes like the
Angel of Death in passover.

I'm sorry, Boomer, but you are too dumb, and your dumbness endangered lives.  May God Have

Mercy on your soul.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Dead Horse Attack! Attack of the Clones

"We've got some leftovers. Reheat this and put on some 3D to mask the flavor".

Sure enough, everything’s coming up Star Wars  for the foreseeable future.  The New movies, along with the 3D-fied  re-releases that got canceled the fuck out because Disney don't play nice with competitors and now writing this seems a smidge more pointless but it's already written, are gonna have us quoting Yoda until our tongues bleed.

In the 3D pipeline next comes along the less maligned  Attack of the Clones. With it’s reduced kid actor factor and  Jar Jar’s presence lessened,  and being  sandwiched between the overhyped  Ep I and the hilarious finale, I think this movie is far too ignored when it comes to the prequels. And with good reason. While the other 2 movies produced some iconography to go  along with their dubious achievements  , Attack of the Clones does not generate anything in the way of memorable, iconic moments.

On a personal note, this is the only Star Wars movie I own. It was sort of an impulse shopping choice. I already knew I wasn't impressed by it, but it was cheap and Star Wars. I've never even seen it fully, and that only ever happened with a select few DVD's of mine, including Ghost in the Shell Reborenning and some Civil War movie with zombies. I at least tried to watch the Civil War zombies movie before it became gay(no offense, gay people. I was already branching out of my element with Zombies and Civil War before the gayness. 2 elements I don't care about is fine, 3 is stretching.)

What I’m saying is that Attack of the Clones is the worst Star Wars movie of all time, discounting the Ewok spinoff’s and Clone Wars CG movie(mostly because I didn’t see them).Here’s my reasons why.

George Lucas is a creepy, creepy man
"Not like sand at all..."
The movie is notorious for it’s romantic subplot. If anything happens in here, it’s set up of how every single thing that happens in Star Wars ever is all because of a dame. And killing children, avenging a mother and having more power. But most of all because of a dame.

Regardless how charming you think sand is, you have to remember that when Anakin met Queen Padme, he was a mere, doomed child. After Naboo, they did not meet until years later, when he’s ben inducted into the Jedi order and she’s been downgraded from Queen to Senator (I don’t think Lucas understands how Monarchy works.) Once he meets  her again, they’re all in love and stuff.

I guess what I’m saying is that old G.L. meant for Anakin a young boy who grew up in poverty, to have fallen in love with Parme, a fully grown woman  of royal blood since the moment they met. There's precedent and everything.  I’d spare you the thought of  Jake Lloyd wacking off to holocrons of Padmen’s senatorial hearings…but I hate you.

Now, I’m not saying that it’s wrong for people to fall in love with people they met as kids, or for people to fall in love despite large age differences(let’s face it, even dramatically, the least age difference between Padme and Anakin is 7 years). But it’s strongly implied that they fell in love when they first met. That this movie confirms that “are you an angel?” is a pick up line is just plain wrong.

Villains are miss or miss
"It's a stupid plan, alright? Hopefully we'll leave this franchise and get paid before we get decapitated."
Episode I killed the one thing everyone agreed was good about it: Marauding, scary-face-painted Darth Maul. For what it’s worth he was genuinely  well executed, missing only some character. They set up the threat, had him chase the good guys, showed his menace by having him kill a good guy, and then he died.

So EpII had at least the one good thing to live up to. It’s villains where Jango Fett and Count Dooku. Let’s break it down.

Jango is the father of Bobba Fett, who is not important at all in any movies. But as both a merchandisable entity and a callback to older films, I get it. Sure, where Bobba Fett came from before  dying like crap is important. Whatev.

Thing is, Jango, who sets up events by trying to kill Padme for some reason, is not a good emerging batter for Maul.Where Maul  offered constant menace , Jango is not an active danger. Where Maul upped the Ante  for Star Wars combat, Jango’s high point is that space chase, which was marred with with the whole “take your kid to kill Jedi” thing.

As  much as Maul was a wasted opportunity for Obi Wan to fight later, Jango is a complete waste. He’s after Anakin’s girl, (and this is sort of his love story) and yet there’s no sense that Anakin cares about getting that guy. Or Obi Wan might want a rematch for his beat down at Kamino. But that doesn’t happen. Hell, If Padme killed Jango, if might have given her a little edge. But instead, Samuel L Jackson in a robe kills him. The guy who precipitated all the films events just gets offed casually by  a character who doesn’t do much else. Hurray?

But I guess Jango is just the warming act to the film’s real villain: Count Dooku. Dooku is, no joke, the least impressive Star Wars villain ever.

There are several factors that make a good villain. One is menace. Darth Vader had this. Vader was shown to be a menace early on, and powerfull enough to command the loyalty of his troops. Count Dooku is first mentions along the lines of “no way is this guy evil!” And that’s at nearly half the movie!
Right before our climax we meet our dreaded…um…political idealist. An old bearded man played by Christopher Lee(well, you could have implied the former from the latter). I hope no one takes me for a hater: I like Christopher Lee. It’s just the fact that the other factor Star Wars villains is otherworldly appearances.  Guys like Jabba, Mail, and Vader have  outlandish physical  designs, which help boost the fact they are the bad guys. Dooku is Christopher Lee’s head on a stuntman, in an attempt to be “hip” with the kids that where all into Lord of the Rings.

I guess if Dooku had a motivation, it could  offset the plainness. But he’s a political idealist(and a former Jedi, because apparently you CAN just up and quit) for something we won’t see.  Maybe he’s against gay marriage, or maybe he wants to to clear away the corruption of the Senate…by establishing a clearly evil dictator in place. You’d think after all the political bullcrap they put in the movies, they’d at least make this more clear.
The movie is the least essential to the others
"Something's going on down there. Even if I wasn't a Clone I still don't think I'd know what."
You could make the case the prequels where wholly unnecessary as expansionary devices to the Star Wars mythology. Indeed, the backstories of characters like C3PO and BobbaFett are unrequired at best, and what it does to Yoda, Anakin, and Obi Wan is not much of an addition.
But in truth, they do set up up the main conflict  and characters from the OT. But do you need to watch Attack of the Clones for that?

See, Episode I is the set up to the whole scene, but it’s mostly it’s own movie. It Establishes the bad guys, the good guys, and the mysterious mystery of the Sith. II and III are more of a tandem. But what does II set up? Well, romance and a few injuries. At the end of I they where at war with robots, and by the start of Ep III they’re at war with robots. That an unconcluded conflict was started on an unconcluded battle is not necessary knowledge. You could arguably skip II and skip straight to III, and not be missing much.

In dramatic terms, the selling point of Anakin’s descent into the dark side is very mishandled. Besides having to regress his characterization later in III, the whole thing where he avenges his mother by slaying a whole city worth of people is  treated like a misdemeanor, and plays no part into how and why he becomes Vader. When you can fit a whole TV show between movies, perhaps there was no need for a movie.

But maybe it’s a trouble with  middling chapters to preset trilogies. Matrix Reloaded, Pirates of the Caribean 2…a filler episode might fly on TV, but not as a movie.
The movie is most dependent on the others
Obiwan's gonna pick Cable and Magneto for the Umpteenth time!

If you haven’t seen any other Star Wars film ever, or the millions of hours spent discussing their story, cultural impact, or characters, the second part of the second trilogy is a bad place to start.

It starts of with someone being targeted for murder for no reason. There’s two people who have met before, and are sort of in love. There’s a Lizard man who wants revenge against  a senator.  And Christopher Lee has a hologram of a ball.
Trying to shoehorn as much OT iconography and backstories hurts this movie like no other. When Dooku casually checks out  the plans of the Death Star, it assumes somebody asked where the Death Star was designed, and hopes they aren’t disappointed the answer is “some bug guy's planet you ain’t ever heard of ”.

Basically in it’s entire running nothing happens that isn’t set up by the prequel, or meaningful without the OT and just as something threatens to happen it ends. For what happened, tune in to Clone Wars, on Cartoon Network!Or don't. It's cancelled!
Everything is disappointing

The Bar was set pretty low after Episode I became a running joke. You’d think by curtailing the excesses and working on the  script more, the movie could have been at least closer to the originals in spirit.

But that is not the way of the Lucas. Rather than focus on the franchise's strengths, it tries things that where never a part of it such as investigation, and romance. And I would commend the innovation (and continued influence on the Prequels of movies like The Matrix, Crouching Tiger/Hidden Dragon,  and Gladiator) if it had been well weaved into the mold(I lost track of the metaphor, I think). But I don’t think in the future people will look fondly on the scene where Anakin rides the space cow in a montage, or when a kid explains to Obi Wan how someone probably did something on purpose.

And no, no curtailing excesses, here. Throw everything in, boys! Yoda fighting, a giant arena battle with monsters, C3PO in a crazy conveyor belt. This is all in the last half hour of the movie, and I left out stuff!

14 Year old me loved Episode I. 17 year old me felt no hype for Attack. And once it was shown to me, I felt extremely underwhelmed, and I didn’t even have expectations for it. Every other Star Wars film leaves you with something. This one just leaves you.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Lost Marvel Episode X: Swamp Ass

The Lost Marvel Episode X: Swamp Ass

Freckles Marvel was a part of Captain Marvel history, and not a once off oddity either: During the height of Captain Marvel's fame, at which point, need  I remind you, he was easily more recognizable than Superman,  she graced several covers. She had a town for her to inhabit,  supporting characters to her, and even a nifty apellation. And seemingly overnight, she banished off the face of the earth, never to be tarted up, or gritted up, or killed off. Just oblivion.

But she won't stay forgotten for long, because, I'm covering all her adventures in my series The Lost Marvel.

Freckles Marvel's hometown of Marveltown (population 2202, formerly Skunktown) is a pretty strange place. Did you know there's a an old hermit in the swampy outskirts of town that everyone is afraid of? Well, aparently there is.

As our story begins, Mary is meeting the Freckles, who is on her way to deliver a basket of goodies to said stranger.
He doesn't do those evil dances, though.
Sadly, the stranger shows himself an angry costumer.

A crabby hermit, indeed.

However, Freckles insists. This is when guns are pulled.
This is the kind of thing I'm afraid might happen to me in America.
Look at that face. It took her a while, but Freck is finally gearing to understand that weapons can kill. Mary blasts her out of there, before things get bloody. You see, kids? Always judge a book by it's cover, all rumors are true, trust no introverts.
"Except the stories about him being a magic user. Those are false."
Their charity night a bust, the girls decide to go see a movie. Except they run into a bank robber along the way. It looks like a job for several goddesses in a bundle and one halfwit teen!
Now she's called Neckbrace Marvel.
While Mary makes sure Freckles still has neck left, the thief gets away. I guess she really didn't hit him hard enough this time.  So they track him to the swamps, where they try again to interact with the hermit. He's again overly hostile.
Unhelped, they leave and split up to hunt for the criminal.  However the hermit has other plans...


After  Mary gets her out, they again find the Hermit, who claims not to remember having ever tried to  kill Freckles.  Immediately, Mary Marv knows what's up.

Finally, the whole thing is cleared up, and the Hermit turns out to be a nice man.

"Hey, it's either this or listen to Captain Marvel JR prattle endlessly about hating Captain Nazi.

 This one showed us Freckles at her must humane. of her own volition and without imput from no one, she set out to help the towns pariah, and learns a less on about looking beyond the perception of a person.

Is this the  end of the series? It seems that way. I want to thank the heroes at the Digital Comics Museum, who made this series possible.  I made this series to inform you, my dear viewer, and without their selfless acts of scanning, uploading and making the comics available, I myself would have also remained in the dark. This are MOST of the titles listed on Comic Vine. So until I get my hands on more, this is my effort. It cannot be said that nobody brought back Freckles Marvel because they didn't know. And now, having read most of them, it cannot be said no one liked her either.

Will she come back? Hey, everything's possible. And could do it. I've done my best to inform. The up to you.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Everything is in hiatus because New York

Look, I know I'm pretty much shouting into a vacuum and nobody reads this.  But I think I'd at least owe future readers the idea I'd been forthcoming with my audience.

I'm moving to New York to look for work. That means everything I've announced is even more stopped than it sounds. Especially Alpha Danger Squad. Also, some projects I never announced yet I expect you to care about are also in hiatus.

New York. What can I say about it? Well...The farthest I've traveled from Puerto Rico is Vieques Island.

Graphics courtesy of the NSA.

So to me the encircled area is pretty much  the world to me. All I know from New York is what I've seen in movies or read about. So basically it's either gentle Jewish(oh, the word gentle feels so wrong there!You know what I mean!) guys giving Esmeralda Santiago a free copy of Archie Digest, or roaming gangs of minorities waiting to stab someone/ hit someone with a chain. Those must be those famous American Chain Gangs.  Also something about gridlock and something about  angry people. I'm guessing those might independently be true at times but not the norm overall.
Mi'ja, a mi tampoco me gusta Archie, pero tienes que hechar pa lante.

For me the purpose of this sudden shift is to try and establish my own independent economy. I'm not going  there to try and reach "the American Dream." Better people than I have tried that, and frankly I'm not the kind of guy who dreams of maids chauffers and those large pianos. I don't even know ow to play the piano.  I just want to be able to afford my own computer so I can write my stories and make my games unimpeded by the whims of my brother.

Truth be told the situation in my island, economically and socially, is ever worsening. And since I don't have a job, a girl, or too many friends here, I'm exactly the kind of sociopath to move to an entirely different hemisphere.

However, there's a very real possibility NY and I don't gel, and I might just come back crying like a  baby back to my island. He, I don't care about being possitivity, I care about reality. If I don't find a job in 2 weeks, with the same love I'll pack my shit and come back. However, if I find a job, that's 1 more job  than here.

I've always had a contentious relationship with Puerto Rico. But I'd be lying if I said there aren't things and people I liked and I'll miss. But I have to grow, and this pond does not allow me the kind of growth I want.  I'm gonna scout some sea.

Monday, July 15, 2013

The Lost Marvel Episode IX: Chessbursters

Freckles Marvel was a part of Captain Marvel history, and not a once off oddity either: During the height of Captain Marvel's fame, at which point, need  I remind you, he was easily more recognizable than Superman,  she graced several covers. She had a town for her to inhabit,  supporting characters to her, and even a nifty apellation. And seemingly overnight, she banished off the face of the earth, never to be tarted up, or gritted up, or killed off. Just oblivion.

But she won't stay forgotten for long, because, I'm covering all her adventures in my series The Lost Marvel.

This latest issue begins when Mary Marvel hears a violent agression, and it turns out our own Freckles Marvel is our perpetrator. But why? I bet there was some ragequitting involved!
She also said polkadots are out!
In order to apease her violent impulses, Mary taked FreckMar to the old toy shop so she can polish her basic Chess skills. But some thugs follow them home.
Yeah, let's not just take what we want.
They bound and gag Mary Dudely, and Mary Batson is forced to use her powers. However, they know their tropes well.
Well, she can't do that with her mouth covered, can she?

For the Evols!
Upon hearing they are not the only people to have their chess sets stolen, they go on the factory to look for clues. Instead...they find the actual thieves working there. Naturally, it
's clobbering time.
Mary Marvel is a union breaker.
Turns out it was all a complicated scheme to smuggle expensive jewels! Our heroines then coles out the whole "chess arc".
"The only way we could safely get away with theft was if we robed what we had  stolen! Like gods, we were!

So, as it turns out, Mary Marvel checking on her mate, Freckles  allowed them to enroque in an great adventured. Despite her checkered past and nearly being pawned, FM herself   succesfully somemore chesspuns!

Bonus Round

Uh.., you can't train for chess by yourself, dimwit.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

I Endorse: IAMGAMER'S Game Jam

Progress looks like  a Saint Valentine's decoration?

  I want to support IAMGAMER's  Gamejam going down this weekend, July 12-14 2013 in Vancouver Canada, which has laid out the challenge: to create a game starring a strong female character. But I must confess the reasons for this are more ego driven  than  anything else. I like female characters. I want more of them, whether they are  bikini barbarians or more conservative ones.  I am not a feminist.  Not as long as I have Netto Strip Fighter IV I am not. I don't know if liking THIS helps me any, though.

And also, the challenge itself, I love it. I am an artist at heart, and as an artist one of my goals is to try and do things that are not as common.Because trying to succeed at creating what already exists merely puts you in equal footing to more experienced creators of what already exists. Regardless of whether you think there is  an issue of representation in videogames (hey, I think so, since a couple of years one the second largest racial group in America had 0% representation in mainstream videogames, even with an incredibly high consumption rate of the things!), I think the future will belong to those who can expand the reach of the medium. We want videogames to be art, right? Well art is best served by a variety of voices and ideas participating.

I don't know that one can create a classic in 48 hours. EA spends more resources than we have trying to create durable, marketable IP. But if things go right the products out of this Jam won't look  and feel like the games EA is doing now, but perhaps the opposite will eventually be partly true true.

I will not be able to directly participate. Too much water between me and Canada. But if things go right I'll participate remotely by making a game over here and documenting the game. But if you can, come on and Jam. And tell 'em the Best Geek Ever sent you!