Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Applied Logic: Episode I

 In this new series I will dedicate a whole post to a flawed character, concept or story, as compared to real life.

Let's be real. Not everyone in the train Superman stopped is good. Some might even be so bad
that their demise might be considered a silver lining should anyone find out what he did to
those orphans.

However, there are other kinds of characters, the ones that just seem like sexually
attracted to being killed, that just don't seem worth saving. Let us consider ow, the plight of Boomer, a remarkable dog in and unusual position.
"Fame is NOT a bitch, sadly."

I bring to your attention the case of Independence Day.
Now, this movie's bound to be on TV at least once a year, so you've probably seen it. If
not, I'ma just give you the scene.

Aliens are blowing the crap out of New York with some slow-moving explosions. Over the
horizon and through it's streets a limbering wall of fire and debris is flying  towards

Vivica A Fox, her kid, and  their faithful golden retriever Boomer.  When she notices this,
they ditch their gridlocked car and run away to escape. Running into  a bridge, Vivica
notices  a door. She kicks it open. It's a desperate plan, and one I think would probably
not work in real life.

The kid asks where Boomer is.

Boomer is like 10 feet away from them. Boomer isn't nervously bounding. He didn't
desperately run away from the explosion. He just then, with no regards to the Tsunami of
taxis that aproached, decided he needed to rest on a pick up truck's haul.

"Boomer!" She yells, probably too scared too add "You stupid fucking Dog! Get in here before
you fucking die!"
"I'm not the kind of woman to let the dogs out!"
Boomer turns his head towards his owner. It's not exactly clear why he was staring the hell
away from his owners AND the mass death that endangered them all. Maybe he saw some
squirrels. Maybe he felt death was inevitable. Maybe this was filmed on a soundstage where
the dog was waiting for his offscreen trainer to give him the command to leap over things.

Regardless, Boomer now pays attention.
Oh, you mean ME Boomer. Heh.

The rest is movie history. Boomer leaps from car to car and eventually jumps into the door
just as the fire comes through. For some reason the energy from the explosion doesn't
somehow enter the room and blow the 3 of them away, and rather the explosion passes like the
Angel of Death in passover.

I'm sorry, Boomer, but you are too dumb, and your dumbness endangered lives.  May God Have

Mercy on your soul.


Post a Comment