Sunday, August 19, 2012

7 Simpsons games I want to play

Still Better than Bart vs the Space Mutants

The Simpsons and videogames have a rich history together. I mean, not from videogames of the Simpsons, mind you. Those have been 80% garbage.  But of Videogames in the Simpsons.

 So with more than 20 years of gags, videogames where bound to come up more than a couple of times for America's favorite yellow skinned  family. But whether they're throwaway gags or key part of the plot, here are some Simpsons Videogames I want to play.

But don't JUST read this, guys. We live in an amazing era where tools for making most types of games can be found for at least cheap and often free.  Litterally all of this games can be realized, one way or another. Sure, someone out there is fan enough and crazy enough to bring at least one of this screaming into the real world. I mean, I know it's lazy to ask, but...I'm lazy. Give me...

Dash Dingo

Dash Dingo is an arcade Platformer, a parody of Crash Bandicoot, itself an obvious ripoff of Sonic the Hedgehog, itself a hodgepodge mix of Dragonball an Felix the Cat with a little Star Wars in there. It(Uh...Dash Dingo I mean) first shows up in the episode "Lisa gets an A"

While Videogames depicted in the Simpsons are usually not realistic depictions of gaming, Dash's eternal grimace is a love letter to badly animated early PS1 games everywhere. It even gets Crash's ultra cheap instadeaths!


It's own...fucking...wikia page...

Nothing is known about Timewaster. It is an arcade game in the background of a few episodes. But it's such a good name it needs to exist somehow.

Could it be some type of bullethell sidecrolling shooter about a time traveler? Or maybe it's about a murderous antropomorphic clock? Hopefully it's better than Time Killers if it does, though. Piece of crap....

Mortank Kombat
I'm just wondering if this is some commentary on Tianmen Square or not...

The Episode "Marge Be Not Proud" is one of the most game centric one of them all, with Bart's obssession with  Mortal Kombat Knockoff Bonestorm.

I am not going to talk about Bonestorm. 2 crazy Shokan beating the tar out of each other while bones rain down on them? Played it. But I will draw our attention to  it's advert.

The Ad has two kids who are bored to tears with their current videogame, until XTREME SANTA breaks  through the wall, and shoots Bonestorm in to their console with a bazooka.

But what where they playing that was so boring? A game (I've dubbed it as you have read, as it has no name and I'm not nearly as creative as I should be) that has Liu Kang, of Mortal Kombat fame, fight a tank! A TANK! With his fists and feet!

 This is a parody of a fighting game done by a parody of a fighitng game ad, and this is what it's saying you find  boring? What's the MUGEN comunity good for if not making ridiculous one second gags into full products?

 Death Kill City 2: Death Kill City Stories
A baseball bat AND a tire iron?

Acronymed DKC2: DKS, the true gameplay of this game is somewhat difficult to understand. It most certainly is a parody of Grand Theft Auto and it's ilk, with random violence errupting (a robot is fighting a hoodlum when a pink female ninja kills them both, and it's never clear which of the three is being played by anyone) in the titular city eventually only ended after all life on earth  is erradicated, marking THE end of level 1.

It's a cute gag, but I wonder what level 2 is like? I don't want to wonder, just give it to me!

Larry the Looter

Larry the Looter is a sidescrolling action game. As the titular malcontent, you must vandalize and rob until what I assume is some kind of ending, playing to, or perhaps lampooning, videogamer obssessions with collectathons. Why didn't Rockstart come up with that one? Why don't you?

Sure, we have plenty of open world games where you can shoot prostitutes, but we don't have a game explicitely for stealing useless material trappings outside of the Elder Scroll series(wait, that's how everyone plays it, right?)

Cat Fight
My dad never bought my affection....sob...

Cat Fight is a one on one fighitng game featuring an assumedly mostly female cast. Gameplay eschews tried and true tropes and tactics  of the genre like air juggles and combos, and instead  assumes a more realistic take on what women fighting actually looks like: Mostly hairpulls, scratches, slaps, and name-calling.

Well, the DLC would be crazy, that's for sure.
I mean, I've played plenty of female only fighting games, but none of them have presented me with an interesting mechanic for hairpulling!  It would be the most inventive game in the genre since Divekick got a publisher! I would just HAVE to dedicate it a spot on Fighitng Female February next year for sure!


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