Announcement: Moongirl Web-story

HI Pradokshawn baloos!

Since my last book has been such a roaring success, I'd like to announce a new one. An origin tale for mermaid hating, ass stomping, help-punching golden age heroine Moongirl.

Moongirl's been an obsession of mine for far too many years.  Her comics where a pain in the ass to find, only even available in a big honking collection of other EC comics. And She's basically  got a lot of the basic stuff you'd think would make her a "good" modern superhero. And to be sure, she had some reboot comics. But my take is different. And also, my take is a book, because I have no means to put together a movie, or comic or theater musical.

Why am I making a Moongirl book? Well, I want to make a Wonder Woman movie, and as I kept contracting my ambition I somehow ended with a Moongirl book. I'm  putting out the story in small, easypay chapters in some website, and then, finally putting out a collected book. I'd probably want to get the whole story down first, though.

Episodes 1-3 are now available. In them you will meet Moongirl, the young princess from another dimension, Jack Diamond, a government agent with a dark secret, Lurani, a witch who can enslave magic creatures, and Satana, the devil herself in the form of a woman.


Look for that later this year.

Titles be hard, yo.

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Golden Age is all the Rage: Moon Girl vs the Man Stealing Space Skanks

"Moongirl, help! They're getting on my pants!"

I've heard that the most effective sci fi stories deal with our worries. Is technology advancing too fast? Are we ready for what's to come? Could aliens really be planning  to spirit away and bump uglies with our men? I guess in 1945 Sheldon Moldoff really tapped into that latent fear in Moon Girl #1's "Invader's from Venus".

The story proper begins in the aforementioned planet, where an alien species is discussing their predicament: they are running out of men! This species naturally is distinct from earth humans in nothing. Not even unhuman colors or pointy ears. Couldn't they be bugeyed, yet hot? Queen Nameless dispatches Erica, her confidant, and a squadron of other Venunites to  earth to bring more men, lest their species die off.

Did you reuse, reduce, and recycle them?

And so the girls are off to kidnap Earth's most precious resource. They just happen to land on the current hometown of vaguely Middle Eastern Superwoman Moon Girl. There, they observe Lionel Manning, really  The Prince, the son of Hercules, as he's winning a baseball game, even though he's just the coach, and he's supposed to be sort of undercover. But when he gets back to the bus it's totalled. I know what happened!

Sadly, no. Instead, all the bus patrons have been kidnapped.The big man gets jumped at by some ALFILFs, but he tosses them like an Apple Nano at a birthday Party. He gets threatened to be shot with a raygun, but, despite having probably never been shot with a raygun by rape happy Venusians,  he dismisses out of hand as futile. This senseless bravado impresses Erica, because I guess in her planet, you just let the guy take your money and then cry about it. Then he gets shot.

 

Sure, it's a paralizing effect, but it's  proof that, as the rare male adult sideckick to a female Superhero, Prince kinda sucks. And what's worst, when Robin gets caught he doesn't let Batman stood up for a date. At least, I like to think he doesn't.

Indeed, Claire Lune, Alias Moongirl, is wondering where he is, when she gets told the bus never gets there. Naturally, she super runs into the scene of Prince getting all caught, and starts beating the shit out of people.

 "I'm not using my helping fist, either!"

After a sufficient amount of ass is handed, she regains her man(and only her man). Luckilly for any of them who did not want to become an automatic semen dispenser for life(and seriously, why baseball.? Have you even seen a baseball player? They're either fat or on steroids) Erica has  a bit of a change of heart and turns back in hope of nabbing  The Prince.

wait, I like this panel, but it needs  some updating.

There, all happy. Hrmm. So Erica, who won't say she's in love has a new plan: shoot everyone with paralizing ray until they win.. Okay, here's a plan, you dumb wench: "I'm a really hot woman, but from space: We're taking volunteers who would like to hump us all day. No fat dudes." I mean, we've established they see us from space, why not just ask? What's wrong with saying: "our socierty is dying, and will die without the charity of your dickings?"

Still, I guess  Erica is thinking with her, erm...whatever. She and her crew surprise The Prince at a dance and try to paralize ray everyone. Moongirl...well, she kind of beats the shit out of them again. It's kinda brutal, actually.

Is anyone else seeing people getting feet stuck up their ass? Or is it just me?

Agreeing to let them go in exchange for the other prisoners, Erica and her friends agree never to come back with their planetwrecker ways. Moongirls wonders about how women must be glad none of them  galaxy ho's is trynna steal their mans.

And so it ends.

 

Naw, just kidding. they come back in Moongirl #6. What else could happen?

After the previous failiure of their paralizer ray based schemes, the girls have  new and devious plan: cause an earthquake, then while we're dealing with the aftermath, return to the exact same college and steal the same guys, but with hypnosis this time. I  guess the Rawley college  baseball somehow collected the ideal genetic specimens. 

Jeezus, girls. I know getting a man is aparently hard, but  you're just being overdramatic now.

We get a few pages of Moongirl stopping toppling buildings, then she runs into her boyfriend walking behind one of the alien gogo dancers. She immediately assumes the worst (that he's cheating on her, not that he's about to be taken off planet to the semen farms.) Of course, she quickly sees other people also following women and  backflips into the conclusion Erica and her girls are involved.

I don't know, girls. You don't seem to be taking this very seriously.

Moon Girl then of course, flips them like  the pages of a particularly fragile book.

Tet a tit.

Man, i think I found the recurrung theme of this Venusians.  Erica, unleashes her secret weapon of hypnotized men against Moon Girl, which against all publication history works.  Moongirl gets grabbed by the legs and arms, tied, and thrown into a ditch deep in the earth. But not in a Wonder Womaney way where you kinda get that the guy was getting off on it.

However, Moon GIrl unties herself and digs her way out, grabs the ship before it  flies away,  frees the men, and throws the ship out of control toward space. And, then, instead of closure...

Ma! Pa! Come quick, it's SHELDON MOLDOFF!

Do not take my tone to mean I think there's nothing worth salvaging here, Oh, no, au contraire, mon petit. I totally would revamp the  Wolfgirls from Venus into something.  Just, you know, maybe give them head-tails or something.

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Golden Age is all the Rage: The witch on the Haunted Hills

Wow. Marine Biology's so exciting!

If anyone really follows this blog with any consistency, they may have noticed I've been a bit obsessed. Obsessed with this:

How are you talking underwater?

This...gift of a panel, from Moon Girl fights crime #8. If anyone  would have followed they may wonder why I would care about this panel so much? It's not Robocop riding a unicorn, or even Dr Doom riding a unicorn.What's the big deal?

Well, in a nutshell, the big deal is that it's the exclamation point to an insane horror story where a Werewolf, a mermaid and a witch plot to rule the world, and are stopped by a uber-woman in short-shorts. The longer version is more hits to me, though.


The tale begins in a dark forest with a man escaping from a wolf , who takes the time to show him her true form! A good looking woman!

Meh. I'd still do her.

Turns out Mabelene the werewolf is working for the evil witch Lurani, who cites this as her sponsor spirits: the fiends of Archenar, Azrael, Cheth, Shin , Vau,  and many more funny names.

She sure as hell is enslaving a creature of MY nether regions.

 

But mostly the Moon-God, which is weird because it is the heroine of the story is also moon centric, also calls upon various spiritual entities for powers, and even has a moonstone as a source of her powers.  Doesn't this...Moon-God have a conflict of interest?

And could you pick up  breakfast on the way back?

In either case,  Lurani has been sending her Wolf girl(snicker) assistant Mabelene to to bring here men to sacrifice, that she may acquire power and as such, rrrrrrrrrrrule the wuuuuurld!  She is unaware, however, that  vacationing in that very creepy neck of the woods is Claire Lune, alias Moongirl, and Prince Mengu. Claire decides to take a dip in the lake, when all of a sudden she spots a mermaid, swimming in the lake with a chest on her hands. And you know, it goes exactly where you'd expect.

She isn't even angry: She just thinks your necks just needs to be fuckin' choked.

Claire, who does not bring here superpower giving moonstone with her to lake creepy-as-shit, is casually choked and buried under rocks by the mermaid.  This may seem out of line for our generation who grew up with  The Little Mermaid and Splash, but Mermaids are not to be fucked with. And that's not just cuz they ain't have no vagina in the traditional sense.

Still, Mengu bails her out and she learns a lot of creepy stuff has been happening in the area. Meanwhile, we learn that the mermaid was working for Lurani.

Soon we will be able to afford a shirt for you!

I am not sure where having a mermaid steal gold is part of the other plan. Like, you sacrifice humans because you need power to get earth-money, but you use the money to fund dark arts research? Maybe the power to control mermaids is the reward, because Undina the Mermaid spends the issue silent, while Mabelene the wolf  occassionally answers to stuff leading me to think Undina is not in control of herself. Still, Moon-God wants more blood, and so the Wolfgirl is dispatched to look for idiots to sacrifice.

Meanwhile, Moongirl is on the hunt for the werewolf bitch. Prince Mengu has some reservations about the existence of werewolves and mermaids, which I guess make less sense than an cyclopes and alien  amazon kidnappers.

Look, listen to the guy who descends from Hercules, you magic moonstone wearing princess: mermaids are not real!

But Moongirl eventually finds and kills the Wolfette, which makes Lurani shut down the whole operation, send away her demons, free the kidnapped people(I thought they'd gotten sacrificed...) and it results in this being the last panel of a Moongirl comic that doesn't have romance on the title.

I heard New York now allows mermaid-on-witch marriage.

I love this panel because I, as a man with too much free time in his hands, see a mishmash of a story with enslaved mythological creatures sacrificing victims  for money and I think, how could I make this make sense, if I where to adapt this material? And I am.  I already started working on it. You have been warned.

Are you coming on to me?

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More Moon Girl fun

But for the simple things in life...

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No way you can guess what happens next...

Context: A man wants to enter a contest, but his wife knows it could be dangerous to him.

What a predicament? Is there any way she can help this people?

Daaaaaamn, son! You got helped the fuck up!

If you guessed: She socks the guys in the face and suits up as him then congratulations, Moon Girl. You-You're wonderful: please don't help me!

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Lost to the Internet: Star

"And does it involve taking off more of my clothes?"

My interest in Public Domain superheroes began last year, when it came to my attention that they, in fact, exist. Emboldened with this knowledge, I've been seeking ways to exploit this characters to meet my own demands. One of the characters that most called to me is one called Moon Girl.

Sorry! My bad. I'll start over. Ahem....Moon Girl!

Moon Girl doesn't show ass...she stomps it.

Moon Girl is what Golden Age Wonder Woman would be like if you took out most of the crazy from it. Hailing from a distant fake land, the Moon Girl is a foreign princess who came to America to fight crime, using her magic Moonstone. The book is known for it's erratic changes in thematic and genre.

Also, a witch rides a naked mermaid. I said MOST of the crazy.

According to International Superhero, the Crime- Busting lunatic had the aid of several characters, including  a cop and the irrespectably called Prince Mengu as well as another.

This other in question is the problem. Without a page on PDSH or international hero, this character you can't find any information on. I couldn't even find images. Only a mention by name. So I did the only reasonable thing to do. I downloaded all the comics(as well as every other comics the company did because no one cared enough to have them separately or on something that isn't torrents) to read the story. And since I don't want you to do that, I'll create a little profile here, because I don't know if I can add it to PDSH myself.

The story takes place during "Moon Girl Fights Crime" #7, which is two issues away from "Moon Girl Doesn't Live Here Anymore" #9. We meet our protagonist, Selena Brown, a young female orphan  living in a rural house with a big case of "fear of the moon". It also seems she thinks the Moon is talking to her or wants her to do something.

Late one night, Selena finds a magic moonstone necklace in her attic that  grants her super her stupid, stupid wish.

Because when you find jewelry, it's cleaning properties are your first concern.

Empowered, the kid uses the stones power to do chores.NOT use it to wrestle or sell it. Chores.

You're no fun.

Eventually after achieving  a legendary status in farm-handing, she gets to heroing. She rescues two men from falling to their deaths. The men, in a twist worthy of Shamalan, turn out to be hardened criminals who immediately want to exploit the superpowered pixie that saved them for crime. But come on, if you where given super-strength by a magic moonstone, would you let two guys who seem to be an ambulance chaser's wet dream threaten you?

You know, Stardust the Super Wizard would have turned their intestines into antfarms.

So, using her strength she helps the robbers into a bank.  Moon Girl hears of the ruckus and tries to help, but she...trips into a bunch of bricks and falls. She's a klutz like that. Selena is in big trouble as she  is left locked in the bank vault to die as the criminals make their escape. She..doesn't seem to use the Super power that allowed her to enter the  vault and there's no reason for it and she starts suffocating immediately. Must be one of those pressurized vaults that where all the rage in the 40s.

"And I'll show you a girl can't use her powers to get out of trouble!"

Moon Girl comes out of her stupor in time to whoop the criminals silly, but she doesn't know about Selena's artificial predicament until her Moonstone shows her. She frees her. Having discovered  her long lost cousin, Moon Girl immediately adopts her and and drafts her into  her war on crime and mermaids...

Where we're going, there's enough chores for a lifetime!

So Selena the girl who once feared the moon becomes...STAR! The Daughter(More like the cousin) of the Moon!

You can't capture this much awkward without reference.

So, I might as well put it out there. The new Comixology Moon Girl series might or might not have used her. But her possibilities are there if anyone else is planning on exploiting the Moon Girl's(admittedly shortlived) mythos. The rare female sidekick to a female superhero, Star really is Nobody's Favorite Lost to the Internet.

'Your name is now Starlet. Also, your only words in your final appearance are "Oooooh! What is it?" and "Tweet! Tweeeeeet!", Starlet. '

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