Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Golden Age is all the Rage: Moon Girl vs the Man Stealing Space Skanks

"Moongirl, help! They're getting on my pants!"

I've heard that the most effective sci fi stories deal with our worries. Is technology advancing too fast? Are we ready for what's to come? Could aliens really be planning  to spirit away and bump uglies with our men? I guess in 1945 Sheldon Moldoff really tapped into that latent fear in Moon Girl #1's "Invader's from Venus".

The story proper begins in the aforementioned planet, where an alien species is discussing their predicament: they are running out of men! This species naturally is distinct from earth humans in nothing. Not even unhuman colors or pointy ears. Couldn't they be bugeyed, yet hot? Queen Nameless dispatches Erica, her confidant, and a squadron of other Venunites to  earth to bring more men, lest their species die off.
Did you reuse, reduce, and recycle them?

And so the girls are off to kidnap Earth's most precious resource. They just happen to land on the current hometown of vaguely Middle Eastern Superwoman Moon Girl. There, they observe Lionel Manning, really  The Prince, the son of Hercules, as he's winning a baseball game, even though he's just the coach, and he's supposed to be sort of undercover. But when he gets back to the bus it's totalled. I know what happened!

Sadly, no. Instead, all the bus patrons have been kidnapped.The big man gets jumped at by some ALFILFs, but he tosses them like an Apple Nano at a birthday Party. He gets threatened to be shot with a raygun, but, despite having probably never been shot with a raygun by rape happy Venusians,  he dismisses out of hand as futile. This senseless bravado impresses Erica, because I guess in her planet, you just let the guy take your money and then cry about it. Then he gets shot.
Sure, it's a paralizing effect, but it's  proof that, as the rare male adult sideckick to a female Superhero, Prince kinda sucks. And what's worst, when Robin gets caught he doesn't let Batman stood up for a date. At least, I like to think he doesn't.

Indeed, Claire Lune, Alias Moongirl, is wondering where he is, when she gets told the bus never gets there. Naturally, she super runs into the scene of Prince getting all caught, and starts beating the shit out of people.
 "I'm not using my helping fist, either!"

After a sufficient amount of ass is handed, she regains her man(and only her man). Luckilly for any of them who did not want to become an automatic semen dispenser for life(and seriously, why baseball.? Have you even seen a baseball player? They're either fat or on steroids) Erica has  a bit of a change of heart and turns back in hope of nabbing  The Prince.

wait, I like this panel, but it needs  some updating.

There, all happy. Hrmm. So Erica, who won't say she's in love has a new plan: shoot everyone with paralizing ray until they win.. Okay, here's a plan, you dumb wench: "I'm a really hot woman, but from space: We're taking volunteers who would like to hump us all day. No fat dudes." I mean, we've established they see us from space, why not just ask? What's wrong with saying: "our socierty is dying, and will die without the charity of your dickings?"

Still, I guess  Erica is thinking with her, erm...whatever. She and her crew surprise The Prince at a dance and try to paralize ray everyone. Moongirl...well, she kind of beats the shit out of them again. It's kinda brutal, actually.
Is anyone else seeing people getting feet stuck up their ass? Or is it just me?

Agreeing to let them go in exchange for the other prisoners, Erica and her friends agree never to come back with their planetwrecker ways. Moongirls wonders about how women must be glad none of them  galaxy ho's is trynna steal their mans.

And so it ends.
Naw, just kidding. they come back in Moongirl #6. What else could happen?

After the previous failiure of their paralizer ray based schemes, the girls have  new and devious plan: cause an earthquake, then while we're dealing with the aftermath, return to the exact same college and steal the same guys, but with hypnosis this time. I  guess the Rawley college  baseball somehow collected the ideal genetic specimens. 
Jeezus, girls. I know getting a man is aparently hard, but  you're just being overdramatic now.

We get a few pages of Moongirl stopping toppling buildings, then she runs into her boyfriend walking behind one of the alien gogo dancers. She immediately assumes the worst (that he's cheating on her, not that he's about to be taken off planet to the semen farms.) Of course, she quickly sees other people also following women and  backflips into the conclusion Erica and her girls are involved.
I don't know, girls. You don't seem to be taking this very seriously.
Moon Girl then of course, flips them like  the pages of a particularly fragile book.
Tet a tit.
Man, i think I found the recurrung theme of this Venusians.  Erica, unleashes her secret weapon of hypnotized men against Moon Girl, which against all publication history works.  Moongirl gets grabbed by the legs and arms, tied, and thrown into a ditch deep in the earth. But not in a Wonder Womaney way where you kinda get that the guy was getting off on it.
However, Moon GIrl unties herself and digs her way out, grabs the ship before it  flies away,  frees the men, and throws the ship out of control toward space. And, then, instead of closure...
Ma! Pa! Come quick, it's SHELDON MOLDOFF!
Do not take my tone to mean I think there's nothing worth salvaging here, Oh, no, au contraire, mon petit. I totally would revamp the  Wolfgirls from Venus into something.  Just, you know, maybe give them head-tails or something.


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