Saturday, March 9, 2013

Annotated Lyrics to The Ruber Song


Kids, if you are anything like I was when I was young, you've considered  working in animation. Here's a tip for all you aspiring animators: There's no deleted scenes in animation. You plan and plan and plan and then do. Improvisation costs far too much money, and any and all choices must be made before spending thousands inking leaves no one will ever see, or animating that Gay horse that's gonna get shot down by execs. What happens if you don't? Quest for Camelot is what happens.

You see, after the film had already basically been done, Warner Brothers decided it wasn't quite Disney enough. They scrambled to add songs, and edited the film to shit and really pissed off Celine Dione. And the Ruber song was born as song by Gary Oldman. Let my annotations say all that must be said about it's lyrics. If you must sing along...

Let's go back to War and Violence(Did I mention Ruber is the bad guy?)
I'm so bored with peace...and...SILENCE! (He's a regular Fender, that Ruber.)
Nights of evil, filled with fear (I think we get it, now, Rubs, baby.)
Your worst fear that's my i-dear of fun!(I don't want to mess with languages that aren't mine, but is there a rule to ending  EA words with an R in England? And should you really rhyme  a word that actually ends with R with one that is only pronounced as such?)

(talky bits)

Let darkness find it's sad ways. (But I thought YOU were gonna help darkness! You really are an asshole!)
Let's go back to the good old bad days.(The all or nothing days?)
No more foolish acts of kind-ness! (The Salvation Army killed his parents.)
Arrthurr and his kingdom...will be mine!(Okay. Wha...I thought this was all about bringing the darkness?)

(more talky bits)

Years from now, no one will bothar!
To recall yor good king Otharr!(And everyone will remember King Ruber the Crosseyed!)
Because all of this...will be mine!(Booo! Sell oout!)

I have a plan, it includes you!(You're gonna tell her, aren't you?)
You, Juliana will lead me to
Camelot! Where I will claim all that is miiiiine!( I lent Lancelot my lawnmower, and he's not takin gmy caaaaaalls!)
On the back of your wagons, my men will all hide!
You'll sit upfront, as the gates open wiiide!(This last two things could easilly be veiled threats of rape. Still, it's a good plan)

With this potion! I got from some witches!(Some witches, you know. Not dropping any names or explaining why they gave this powerful potion to the biggest jerk in the world)
A drop on this chicken, and watch as it switches
Into a weapon I can use at will!(And when I drop it in my cock, it turns hard as metal too!)
Now this chicken! Can kill!(Bladebeak stats by movie's end: 0 kills, 3 defeats, 1 victory.)
Tadaaa! Behold! Blade-beak!(Ok, creative naming class is now closed.)

Hurry up and enter quickly! As I transform the meek and sickly! Into ironmen! With hands of steel!(But obviously not Ironmen(tm Marvel Comics) with hands of Steel(tm DC comics))

(Ruber continues to babble incoherently like a madman for a while, hile  his retarded henchmen jump into the pool of bodychangium they sing a Choir)
Bring on the darkness, bring on the gloom. (we like what he was singing early more! About the darkness and stuff)
We are the army of death and gloom.('re gonna bring it, or do I?)

(Ruber again)
Only one will be revered! 
Hated, worshiped, loved and feared.("And army of death and gloom" tested badly with  focus groups)

I just want to say a few words: I, Me, MINE!

You were mistaken if you believed! Ruber was someone who'd crumble and leave! Well now I'm back! And I will be staying this timne!

I told tyou once!
I told ya twice!
Everything you see before you
Every last bit oof it!
Will! BE! MMIIIIiiiiine!
(Evil Laguhter)


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