Some Characters with the same name (that coudn't be more different)

One of this guys is asking you to be prepared for a coup. The other is asking you to be prepared to put hair on your horns.

Names are fun. I have proven this several times, when I discussed bad names in games twice. But even good names are fun. Sometimes a name is too good to pass up, and more than one person will name something the same. The disparity between the names is what makes the fun. Observe!
 and remember: don't get them confused!

Ultraman

Ultraman is a henshin Superhero in Japan. Capable of growing as high as a skyscraper, his main disadvantage is he can only do so for a limited time.

Ultraman and an enemy debate the quality of Tokyo's streets.

Ultraman is also an evil Superman from another, eviler dimension. He has the same powers as Superman. His only disadvantage is that every other evil Superman has something going for him but him.

Arrowman! Man of Arrows!

Dude at least put on a goatee or something.

Phantom Lady

Phantom Lady is a public domain heroine DC thought it bought, so you can't use her if you haven't the cojones and lawyers to fight them.The daughter of a Senator, she used a sciencey doohickey to blind people and become invisible.

"I thought we'd talked about this, floating device!"

Phantom Lady is also a character on the anime series Angel Blade. The leader of a gang of rapey female mutants, she uses her cartoonishley large breasts to smear milk on most everyone. Oh, forgot to say: This is a porn anime.

I wonder if the Comics Authority would have allowed her self-weaning antics?

DC...you don't have the best one of these.



Catman

Catman is a  a Batman villain so bad he once joined a team of villains who felt they wheren't high profile enought. While this "we dont get punched enought by Batman" mentality seems counterintuitive, it is and  Catman sucks.

I sleep all day and scratch your shoes...evilly!

Catman is also a golden age hero who was raised by a tigress,Tarzan style. And then he got to America and dressed like a cat and punched criminals and had a teen girl sidekick. It a natural segue.

Enter: THE BELLY SCRATCHER!

Both are orange. Tabbies aren't scary, damn you!

Scarecrow.

Scarecrow is a villain from batman, known  for using fear inducing gas on his victim.

Dr Malnitrition was his discarded villain name/theme.

Bus scarecrow is also a villain from Ghost Rider who is known for not being as cool as the other scarecrow. He's a contortionist who can feeds on the fears of men and crows. Scaring crows is actually one of his powers!

"What the...did you just eat my seeds of evil? Aww...man! My dark harvest is RUINED!"

But here comes a new challenger: there is a public domain Scarecrow as well. He outmundanes them all.

Nazi. No powers. Whip and gun. Boooaring!

Continue

Naming Conventions that really piss me off and how i beat them.

Even in an age where iconic imagery and hi def trailers are easilly accessible, what your project is called is still important. Sometimes the difference between "they click on it" or "they pass on it" is just whether the name they just read catches their attention or not.



People sometimes spend a big deal of mental energy coming up with just the right title that will just vibe with the audience. However, sometimes the conclusions upon which they arrive just make me angry. Those would be...

Unnecessary subtitle

Hey, congratulations! You just got the rights to this weird little fiction, and now you get to make a movie about it. You know, they haven't ever made an American movie about this, and it's got a pretty good fanbase. However, the name, it's a little strange. Fans that know will know, but other people, they might be confused about it. That's when you put in a subtitle. If you're good at it, it'll describe the plot somewhat. If not, it'll make no sense.



Key Examples:

Dragonball Evolution

You know, just because you put a generic non-descriptor doesn't mean that people who don't know Dragonball won't be confused. Evolution might have been a nice name, you know, for a sequel in which someone or something actually evolved, whether in a symbolic way or in a literal way, not for the beginning where the story was just starting. In truth, if DB: E hadn't been a total failure, it might have been set with names for the future sequels. At least when people want to refer to it as a pox on their franchise, they won't have to come up with creative naming.



Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Okay...The Fallen is one of the least impressive, least important robots in all of the Transformers movie-verse and rather obscure in the comics. If you really think people where lining up to see what his revenge was gonna be like(or about) then you sorely misunderstand. Goddamit, whatever happened to numbered sequels?

Overly Flowery subtitle

Hey, good news! You get to make a remake(or otherwise readapt) a movie! You know, we're taking a different approach from last time. We should probably kind of put a different title in there, just to differentiate the two. Sure, it's unlikely people will confuse a movie from 1993 with a movie from 20XX, but who knows? Make it exciting!



Key Examples:

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li.



You know, not every story can be a legend. And if I where going to call adaptations of games Legends, I sure wouldn't start with the most minimalist approach possible to the franchise that has a caveman from Brazil fighting a fire breathing Indian. Sure, you WANT people to know this is a movie about Chun Li, just in case it's a hit and you get to make other, not Chun Li centric movies. Personally, I think Chun Li: Street Fighter would have been fine.



G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra



If you know anything about G.I.Joe, one of the key elements everyone knows is that they pretty much have one key enemy: Cobra. Advertising that G.I.Joe will be fighting Cobra is like advertising Superman will be wearing a cape in the next movie. However, this movie is about the RISE of Cobra, which is funny, because Cobra is essentially not really in this movie. I mean, it becomes Cobra just in time for most of it's operatives to be aprehended or killed. Sure, one of them is very well set, but it's not exactly Cobra’s rise to notiriety. Plus...did nobody thing of the sexual connotations of "The Rise of Cobra"?



Transformers: Dark of the Moon

The FUCK? Are you fucking kidding me? Are we gonna pretend this movies are too good for numbers? Transformer 3. There, that's your title. But no, no. The Dark of the Moon. Ooooh, that's deeep. This isn't a fucking poetry book, people. At least, I haven't heard of any poetry books where Asians pull dual pistols on robot dinosaurs.

The Mash

In attempting to put several naming conventions into this name, you made a mockery of a title. Sorry.



Legend of the Guardians: Owls of G'a Hoole.



At some point, someone that cared accidentally put the most generic fantasy title on this Owl centric medieval fantasy movie. Later, execs probably stepped in, and realized they didn't want the movie to sound like one of them floundering online games that aren't selling as good as World of Warcraft. Plus, you want people to know this is about Owls. So, they subtitled it Owls of G'a Hoole. This isn't you father's owls. No, this Owls is straight outta G'a Hoole, motherfucker!



In the mind, it reads like this: (Kind of adventurey thing): (with owls?) (From Vomit sound)



Seeker: The Dark is Rising



Who, me? Oh, no, I'm not a seeker. However, it is good to know the dark is rising. I'm gonna try to get Harry Potter on the phone, maybe he can put a damper on it. No, please: If the dark is really rising, we need to have the real article.



Rise of the Planet of the Apes:

Executive cold feet at it's best. This movie used to be called Rise of the Apes. It didn't need to tell you what franchise it was the (dubious, presumed) start of. But I guess they got real scared. "We need to put "Planet" in there" must have yelled one. "Apes are in the public domain!" and so they stuck the term planet in there. Not only are there now two "of the"s, but the title seems to imply it is the planet that will rise.



Final Fantasy



I'm sorry, but...this is getting kind of stupid. First you got the Roman Numeral thing going on. That's cool. Then you start doing Arabic numeral spinoffs of games in the series. OKAY. Then you add Online Games to the Roman Numeral Adaptations because you can't be bothered to make a simple spinoff series like with Tactics. By the time Final Fantasy Versus IIIX existed I realized you where just fucking with people.



Hey, I think I could make a generator now! It’s easy. Just paste the following into the writing software of your choice:



(x) character (y) secondary character (Z) element (l)location (G) gender (fr): Franchise (

(fr): (g) of action


(fr): A (g) and his (Z)


(fr): Flight of (z)


(fr): The Secret (z)


(fr): Revolutionary (G) (X)


(fr): (G) of (l)


(fr): Adventures in (l)


(fr): Adventures of (x)


(fr): (z) Syndrome


(fr): The (z) Protocol


(fr): (Z) Fury


(fr): (Z) Dream


(fr): Rise of (x)


(fr): (l) Rising


(fr): Revenge of (x)


(fr): Return of (x)


(fr): Escape from (l)


(fr): (x) Returns


(fr): (x) Begins


(fr): (X)'s (Z)


(fr): (X) vs (Y)


(fr): (Z) of (l)


(fr): The (z) King


(fr): Tales of (l)


(fr): (x)'s World


(fr): (z) World


(fr): Attack of the (Z)


(fr): Back to (l)


(fr): Return to (l)


(fr): Evolution


(fr): Rise of (x)


(fr): Legend of (x)


(fr): Death of (x)


(fr): The Fall of (Z)


(fr): (Z) Falls


(fr): (x) Forever


(fr): Death and Return of (x)


(fr): (x) Goes to (l)


(fr): The Treasure of (l)


(fr): Apocalypse


(fr): Resurrection


(fr): 3D


(fr): (x) Rises


(fr): Codename (Z)


(fr): Lost in (l)


(fr): All Stars


(fr): (x) Strikes Back


(fr): The Movie


(fr): & (Y)


(fr): (Z) Of Blood


(fr): (Z) of Fear


(fr): (x)'s Odyssey


(fr): Shadow of (Z)


(fr): (x) and his (Z)


(fr): The Battle of (l)


(fr): Roar of (x)


(fr): Conquest of (l)


(fr): (x) Lives!


(fr): (Z) Rage


(fr): The (Z) Wars


(fr): War of (Z)


(fr): (Z) Soldier


(fr): (x) in (z) (l)


(fr): Revolution


(fr): 2: Electric Boogaloo


(fr): Homologation Special


(fr): (x)'s Lair


(fr): Destruction of (l)


(fr): Misadventures of (x)


(fr): (Z) of Dreams


(fr): The Return


(fr): Reloaded


(fr): Defender of (l)


(fr): Hunt for (Y)'s Gold


(fr): (Z) Hunter


(fr): (Z) Hunter (Y)


(fr): Hunt for (Z)


(fr): The First (Z)


(fr): (x) does (location)


(fr): The Last (Z)


(fr): (z) Force


(fr): The New (Z)


(fr): The Revenge


(fr): The Sacred (Z)


(fr): The Golden (Z)


(fr): The (l) Heist


(fr): (Z) Strike


(fr): Medicine Woman


(fr): (X) The Adventurer


(fr): (Z) Quest


(fr): (x)'s Quest


(fr): (x)'s Curse


(fr): Curse of (x)


(fr): (Z) of Blood


(fr): The Next Generation


(fr): Generation


(fr): Mystery of (Z)


(fr): Story of (X)


(fr): Bloodlines


(fr): Die, (x) Die!


(fr): (G) under Fire


(fr): (Z) Patrol


(fr): (Z) Star


(fr): (x)'s Day Out


(fr): (x) Jr.


(fr): Brothers in (Z)


(fr): (Z) Apocalypse


(fr): (x)'s Caper


(fr): (x)'s Revenge


(fr): Land of (Z)


(fr): (X)'s Rage


(fr): (X) meets (Y)


(fr): King of (Z)


(fr): The Motion Picture


(fr): Ghost of (x)


(fr): (Z) Crusade


(fr): The (Z) Master


(fr): (g) Against the World


(fr): (x) and the (z)


(fr): (x)'s (z) Adventure


(fr): Mythologies


(fr): (z) Alliance


(fr): Deception


(fr): Armageddon


(fr): (x) Origins


(fr): Bride of (x)


(fr): Project (Z)


(fr): (x) Hero


(fr): Age of (Z)


(fr): Nightmare on (l)


(fr): Siege of (l)


(fr): Dead (Z)


(fr): (Z) in Time


(fr): (Z) Attack


(fr): Princess (x) in (l)


(fr): Princess (x) in (Z) Kingdom


(fr): Journey to (l)


(fr): Raid on (l)


(fr): Raid of (l)


(fr): (x) 2014


(fr): (x) 2050


(fr): (x) 2099


(fr): Revelations


(fr): Road to (l)


(fr): The (Z) that Eats People


(fr): Journey to (l)


(fr): Year 1


(fr): Challenge of (x)


(fr): Wrath of (X)


(fr): (z) Of Death


(fr): Starring (X)


(fr): Day of Reckoning


(fr): (z) Evolved


(fr): (z) Master


(fr): (x) is Missing


(fr): (z) Nights


(fr): (z) United


(fr): The Search for (x)


(fr): The (x) Warriors


(fr): The Path of (x)


(fr): Clash of (z)


(fr): Deadly (z)


(fr): Extreme (z)


(fr): Xtreme(z)


(fr): (X) Beyond


(fr): (x) Legends


(fr): (z ) Rescue


(fr): Seeds of (X)


(fr): The (x) Factor


(fr): The Lost (X)


(fr): (Z) Adventures


(fr): Chronicles


(fr): Chronicles of (X)


(fr): Chronicles of (z)


(fr): King of (l)


(fr): Unleashed


(fr): Perchance to (z)


(fr): The (l) of the (Z)


(fr): (z) Chaos


(fr): The (z) is Rising


(fr): (Z) Impact


(fr): (z) of Doom


(fr): Mark of (z)


(fr): Mark of (x)






(fr): The (Z) Within


(fr): (x) (G)


(fr): (x) of War


(fr): Ultimate (z)


(fr): Lethal (z)










Then, using the replace all options replace fr): for the Franchise of choice(put a colon in there as well) (x) for the lead character (y) for a secondary character (Z) for an element of the franchise (l) for a location (G) for gender(Man, Boy, Girl Woman).



For example, let’s try Dead or Alive. Replace all fr): for Dead or Alive as such:

Using the same method replace (x) for Kasumi, (y) for Ayane, (Z) for boobs (l) for Ass Mountain and (G) for Girl. It should look like this.



Dead or Alive: Girl of action


Dead or Alive: A Girl and his Boobs


Dead or Alive: Flight of Boobs


Dead or Alive: The Secret Boobs


Dead or Alive: Revolutionary Girl Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Girl of Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Adventures in Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Adventures of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Boobs Syndrome


Dead or Alive: The Boobs Protocol


Dead or Alive: Boobs Fury


Dead or Alive: Boobs Dream


Dead or Alive: Rise of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Ass Mountain Rising


Dead or Alive: Revenge of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Return of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Escape from Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Kasumi Returns


Dead or Alive: Kasumi Begins


Dead or Alive: Kasumi's Boobs


Dead or Alive: Kasumi vs Ayane


Dead or Alive: Boobs of Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: The Boobs King


Dead or Alive: Tales of Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Kasumi's World


Dead or Alive: Boobs World


Dead or Alive: Attack of the Boobs


Dead or Alive: Back to Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Return to Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Evolution


Dead or Alive: Rise of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Legend of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Death of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: The Fall of Boobs


Dead or Alive: Boobs Falls


Dead or Alive: Kasumi Forever


Dead or Alive: Death and Return of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Kasumi Goes to Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: The Treasure of Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Apocalypse


Dead or Alive: Resurrection


Dead or Alive: 3D


Dead or Alive: Kasumi Rises


Dead or Alive: Codename Boobs


Dead or Alive: Lost in Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: All Stars


Dead or Alive: Kasumi Strikes Back


Dead or Alive: The Movie


Dead or Alive: & Ayane


Dead or Alive: Boobs Of Blood


Dead or Alive: Boobs of Fear


Dead or Alive: Kasumi's Odyssey


Dead or Alive: Shadow of Boobs


Dead or Alive: Kasumi and his Boobs


Dead or Alive: The Battle of Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Roar of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Conquest of Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Kasumi Lives!


Dead or Alive: Boobs Rage


Dead or Alive: The Boobs Wars


Dead or Alive: War of Boobs


Dead or Alive: Boobs Soldier


Dead or Alive: Kasumi in Boobs Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Revolution


Dead or Alive: 2: Electric Boogaloo


Dead or Alive: Homologation Special


Dead or Alive: Kasumi's Lair


Dead or Alive: Destruction of Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Misadventures of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Boobs of Dreams


Dead or Alive: The Return


Dead or Alive: Reloaded


Dead or Alive: Defender of Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Hunt for Ayane's Gold


Dead or Alive: Boobs Hunter


Dead or Alive: Boobs Hunter Ayane


Dead or Alive: Hunt for Boobs


Dead or Alive: The First Boobs


Dead or Alive: Kasumi does (location)


Dead or Alive: The Last Boobs


Dead or Alive: Boobs Force


Dead or Alive: The New Boobs


Dead or Alive: The Revenge


Dead or Alive: The Sacred Boobs


Dead or Alive: The Golden Boobs


Dead or Alive: The Ass Mountain Heist


Dead or Alive: Boobs Strike


Dead or Alive: Medicine Woman


Dead or Alive: Kasumi The Adventurer


Dead or Alive: Boobs Quest


Dead or Alive: Kasumi's Quest


Dead or Alive: Kasumi's Curse


Dead or Alive: Curse of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Boobs of Blood


Dead or Alive: The Next Generation


Dead or Alive: Generation


Dead or Alive: Mystery of Boobs


Dead or Alive: Story of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Bloodlines


Dead or Alive: Die, Kasumi Die!


Dead or Alive: Girl under Fire


Dead or Alive: Boobs Patrol


Dead or Alive: Boobs Star


Dead or Alive: Kasumi's Day Out


Dead or Alive: Kasumi Jr.


Dead or Alive: Brothers in Boobs


Dead or Alive: Boobs Apocalypse


Dead or Alive: Kasumi's Caper


Dead or Alive: Kasumi's Revenge


Dead or Alive: Land of Boobs


Dead or Alive: Kasumi's Rage


Dead or Alive: Kasumi meets Ayane


Dead or Alive: King of Boobs


Dead or Alive: The Motion Picture


Dead or Alive: Ghost of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Boobs Crusade


Dead or Alive: The Boobs Master


Dead or Alive: Girl Against the World


Dead or Alive: Kasumi and the Boobs


Dead or Alive: Kasumi's Boobs Adventure


Dead or Alive: Mythologies


Dead or Alive: Boobs Alliance


Dead or Alive: Deception


Dead or Alive: Armageddon


Dead or Alive: Kasumi Origins


Dead or Alive: Bride of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Project Boobs


Dead or Alive: Kasumi Hero


Dead or Alive: Age of Boobs


Dead or Alive: Nightmare on Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Siege of Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Dead Boobs


Dead or Alive: Boobs in Time


Dead or Alive: Boobs Attack


Dead or Alive: Princess Kasumi in Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Princess Kasumi in Boobs Kingdom


Dead or Alive: Journey to Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Raid on Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Raid of Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Kasumi 2014


Dead or Alive: Kasumi 2050


Dead or Alive: Kasumi 2099


Dead or Alive: Revelations


Dead or Alive: Road to Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: The Boobs that Eats People


Dead or Alive: Journey to Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Year 1


Dead or Alive: Challenge of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Wrath of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Boobs Of Death


Dead or Alive: Starring Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Day of Reckoning


Dead or Alive: Boobs Evolved


Dead or Alive: Boobs Master


Dead or Alive: Kasumi is Missing


Dead or Alive: Boobs Nights


Dead or Alive: Boobs United


Dead or Alive: The Search for Kasumi


Dead or Alive: The Kasumi Warriors


Dead or Alive: The Path of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Clash of Boobs


Dead or Alive: Deadly Boobs


Dead or Alive: Extreme Boobs


Dead or Alive: XtremeBoobs


Dead or Alive: Kasumi Beyond


Dead or Alive: Kasumi Legends


Dead or Alive: (z ) Rescue


Dead or Alive: Seeds of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: The Kasumi Factor


Dead or Alive: The Lost Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Boobs Adventures


Dead or Alive: Chronicles


Dead or Alive: Chronicles of Kasumi


Dead or Alive: Chronicles of Boobs


Dead or Alive: King of Ass Mountain


Dead or Alive: Unleashed


Dead or Alive: Perchance to Boobs


Dead or Alive: The Ass Mountain of the Boobs


Dead or Alive: Boobs Chaos


Dead or Alive: The Boobs is Rising


Dead or Alive: Boobs Impact


Dead or Alive: Boobs of Doom


Dead or Alive: Mark of Boobs


Dead or Alive: Mark of Kasumi






Dead or Alive: The Boobs Within


Dead or Alive: Kasumi Girl


Dead or Alive: Kasumi of War


Dead or Alive: Ultimate Boobs


Dead or Alive: Lethal Boobs






See, now you don’t Have to make an uninspired name. You can just FIND one We’re done!



Continue

5 MORE terrible videogame character names

Good old Destiny's child with Beyonce, Kelly and...those other girls. Hmm...

 What's in a name? Everything. There is power in naming. A name sets the tone of what people think of you. Good names keep a character memorable. Bad names keep a character derided.


I already told you about bad names, and the characters who sport them. But there's always one(or 5) that get away. Which is why I'm coming back for 5 terribly named characters.

Cream the Rabbit-Sonic the Hedgehog

I like my coffee like I like my Sonic games: by not caring if  they has cream or not.

I don't think there is any subtle way to say it, so I'll come right out and shoot: Cream the Rabbit really sounds like someone is requesting for someone else to ejaculate on a rabbit. Now, if Paheal is any indication, many of you do want to cream rabbits. And more power to you, you disturbing fuckos. But  if we could disassociate that from little girls as much as possible, I'd be thankful. Though I will still judge.


Dogs Bowser- Blue Stinger

Big on that "Wind" shit.

Sure, the world of Blue Stinger is pretty weird. There's an island called Dinosaur Island, thought there are no dinosaurs in it. There are plenty of crabmutants and elevator music, though.

Our two protagonists are Elliot Ballade and  Dogs Bowser. Now, Elliot Ballade is a weird name,  but I can't say it's as bad as Dogs simply because it's a family name. I could easily see a family name like Ballade existing. What I can't see is a parent calling it's child "Dogs". Plural Dogs. As a name. Even if he where a Bounty Hunter, his theme would be pretty stupid. "Dogs, the Bounties Hunters!". Pshh. End then there's the elephant in the room about his familly name...

Paavo-Alter Echo

Never seen a man crapping Kirby Krackle?

Alter Echo is a game mostly remembered for it's trippy visuals an shapeshifting platformer gameplay. Also, it's not remembered.

The game's antagonist was a hammy, hammy man named Paavo. Now, I guess this is a common in eastern  Europe or something but there are several of us who speak Spanish. For us...this is what Paavo is.

And now I made myself hungry and my sister upset. Thanks, Alter Echo.

 That aside, what else can you think about when you think of a name like Paavo? That creepy guy who wore people's faces in Repo? He's the master of making  plaster into superweapons and sentient beings.  He should be like, Plastero, Plaster of Plastetism!

Kabuki Jo-War Gods

He's trying to become  a 'REAL' artist, you know?

Let's face it, War Gods isn't exactly cool name heaven.  There's a witch named Pagan and a Voodoo guy named....Voodoo.It's clear they where just winging it.

That said, Kabuki Jo gets  the worst of it. The Japanese theater form known as Kabuki has very rarely been associated with good videogames(Kabuki Klash notwithstanding. That game and it's names are awesome), and while War Gods isn't exactly good, Midway still should have known better. Still...Jo? Is it because there's a staff called jō? And the character uses a staff? Or did they wanted to call the character Kabuki JOE? It's terrible either way, just different form of terrible.

Bob-Tekken

Way to cosplay-bait there, Namco.

No. NOOOOO. No-no. N-WO. No.

Bob? Really? When Street Fighter decided to add a fat non-sumo guy, they at least named something that sounds a little like rough. Tekken mad a super-average looking fat guy who looks like he should be fighting cardiac arrest and diabetes if anything and named him...Bob.

Not Bob the Builder, not Bob the Goon, and certainly not Bob, Agent of Hydra. Bob. Goddamn it, Tekken!

Continue

What your heroes are called in Spanish

Imagine all the people...throwing each other's desks...

As a bilingual nerd living in Puerto Rico, I have had to subject myself to spanish translations most of my life.  This has good sides and bad sides, but if anything, it gives me  the ability to act as a doorway between realms of speech.

By which I mean I know what some characters are called in both languages. While you might rightly assume most are either litteral translations or no translation at all, sometimes  cartoon translators or comic translators get creative and put strange monnikers on our ficticional heroes. Some examples:

I just learned it too. I can't afford a trip though.

The Thing: La Mole
"La Cosa" would be the litteral translation of : The Thing, but for whatever reason, they took to calling Benjamin Grim, "La Mole" which is actually closer in meaning to "The Hulk." The name's stuck, even down to recent translation of the movies. So what do we call Hulk, anyway?



The Hulk: El Hombre Increible

Ok, we don't ALWAYS call Hulk "El Hombre Increible"(Lit. "the incredible man"). It's what he was known in the old Bill Bixby series. There are no stable translated names for Hulk. Sometimes he's known as "El Hombre Verde" or sometimes just Hulk. It's all La Mole's fault!

No. No mas teatro.

Spider-Man-El Hobre Araña
Spider-Man's is known as litterally as posible in most cases. But recent translations opted not to translate the name, but rather give spanish affection to the english name. So you'll see shows that refer to how much "Speeder-man" is trumping Venom, such as this.

Just don't give them any grief over it, they'll tell you it's acceptable to morph foreign words. Acceptable doesn't mean it isn't hilarious, though.

LLiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!

X-Men: Patrulla X
Official Marvel books actually carry the title "Patrulla X"("X" reads "E-kiss" rather than "Ecks"). Because, I guess "Hombres X" sounded a little...too gay. The 90's cartoon  mixed it up and called them "X(E-Kiss) MEN).

Superman es un patan.

Lois Lane: Luisa Lane
There isn't much of a point in my mind to translate common names, but it's apparently a real life thing where William is "Guillermo" in Spanish. So aparently someone decided "Lois" was too foreign sounding and they called her : Luisa. Luisa LANE. Problem solved.  Worry not, Clark Kent, Jimmy Olsen and Perry White are still called that.

Y el avion menos compuesto.

Bruce Wayne: Bruno Diaz
As far as the 60s Batman TV Show Batman's alter ego has been known as Bruno Diaz. making many wonder why he's walking into  a building clearly labled Wayne. But  with how condescending some of the translations get, I guess they don't think the audience can read.

Funny thing is, when I was young I often passed a building called "Empresas Diaz" and I wondered if maybe, possibly, Bruno Diaz himself was up there, waiting for night to fall to become Batman. Hmm...I undestand why they do it now.

There are more, but I must end it here. Maybe later I'll tell you more about Lobezno, El Guason and  Vampira. See you!

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5 worst game character names.

Yeah? If that's your name, what are the other two?

In this day and age, names are very important. A catchy enough name can catapult a character and turn him/her into an icon, regardless of skill or other abilities. Videogames in particular have a proud history of colorful names. From Pacman to Mega/Rockman Lara Croft, the deciders of these names have had to live on with the choices they made.

But for every character with a name that is forever synonymous with games, there are a whole bunch of sad guys who get silly, silly names.The name you either can't pronounce, or just don't want to. I'm making a list about them. I'm not including characters that had no chance outside of the name. Awesome Possum could have been called Rock Strongo, and he'd still be terrible.

No, I'm going for the mostly cool character's who where otherwise given horrible, horrible names.

Thug life?

5)Sol Badguy(Guilty Gear)

Okay, Guilty Gear is den of scum and villany(in names). Trying to put some musical refferences in there has lad to names like Ky Kyske, I-No(Ay, no!) and Jam Kuradoberry. Ugh! But out of all those, I choose Sol Badguy.

Sol is a 400 hundred year old badass with a mysterious past who fights with a sword and flame attacks. I guess Sol, name for our star, is not entirely pompous for him. It's the last part that irks me. Badguy? And it's his last name? That means that there must have been a Mr Badguy and a Mrs Badguy as well.

Not pictured: Herbert Badguy and Helena Bonham Badguy

It's the mix of pretentious and gen x that earns Sol a spot. It's like having a guy called Moriarity Dudestorm. Sol is actually pretty normal. You know, by Guilty Year standards. He's not even that much of a bad guy!

4)Marina Lightyears(Mischief Makers)

Mareeeeenaaaaa!

This lesser known N64 game by Treasure features a protagonist who's main methods of attacking is grabbing stuff and throwing it at folks, or grabbing stuff and shaking it. If only someone had grabbed and shaken whoever named the girl.

Marina is a robot. So, in fact, her full name is Marina Lightyears-Intergalactic Cybot G. Let's break that down:

By shaking it and throwing it?

Marina: Because her green hair and white clothes remind you of the sea? No, she has something in common with the sea allright: both have no feet.

Liteyears: Yes, because Buzz Lightyear's name needs some plurals up in this bitch!

Intergalactic: At no point is she seen traveling beyond galaxies of her own will. She can dash a little. Does that count?

Cybot: What is a cybot? A cyborg is a human with robo parts, and a robot is.. well a mchanical automaton. Is sh a mix between the two?

G:It's a model, of course! Model's A-F where killed and rapd by their own creator. Stooooop!

Sexual Harassment is funny!

For god's sake, girl, stop touching them!

3)Mission Vao(Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic)
Star Wars has never been a place for middle ground names. Either you're Han Solo, or you're Greedo. Kotor is faithfull to the franchise even in that.

Mission Vao is a young street urchin with a lot of spunk and a can do attitude. She also happen's to be blue and have tails on her head.

Either way, Mission happens to join you on your mission to defeat the Sith empire. Along the way, Mission has her own mission: To find her Brother.She talks about it during her intermissions. He also has troubles with team paranoid Carth Onasi, because of his intromission's on her life.

Mission is a terrible name.
"Very funny, guys. Let's get on with the mission. D'OH!"

So, an insane Asian dictator, a Black Boxer and a Matador walk into a bar...

2) Vega, Balrog and M. Bison(Street Fighter)
You probably know this, but if you don't follow closely:

The character's M. Bison, Balrog and Vega are differently named in Japan. The brutal dictator was known as Vega, the Spaniard was Balrog, and the boxer was M. Bison. M. Bison was a loving sendoff to Mike Tyson, but fears of a lawsuit(or a terrible beating) made Capcom's American base rename the character. So they, instead of making a new name, switched the names of the new bosses. And in either side of the pond, something is always wrong.

Take Japan. Sure, M Bison is kinda clever and also powerfull for a Boxer. But why is a spaniard named for a fierce creature in Lord of the Rings that was a)gigantic and b) wilding a whip!? Seriously, where'd they get that for a thin and agile clawd matador? And Vega for a (at least originally, but SF 4 made him MORE )Asian dictator? Did they put a bunch of names in a bowl?

Hey Lopez, quit wasting time on the phone!

In America they tried to fix it by making the Hispanic guy Vega and the big black guy Balrog(yah, he's a total Tolkien buff. When he's not busy killing in the ring). But that leaves us with a Dictator who may be named Mike Bison. That's not a dictator name, unless you rule southern rural America with an iron fist.

Face the mighty Michael!

Is there something here that other Kombatants don't have?

1)Reiko(Mortal Kombat 4/Armageddon)
Oh, Reiko: The pallete swap ninja that time forgot. He may very well be the most formulaic and generic fighter the franchise has ever had. Just the sight of him can put any Mortal Kombat fan to snooze, when they're done theorizing whether he's the big bad or not.

It's like finding out Darth Vader was Steven Guttenberg all along.

In fact, do a google image search. Just Reiko, don't add Mortal Kombat. I'll wait.

Notice a trend? Reiko is the only male character to appear on the search. All the others are females. That's because Reiko is a Girl's name!

I had no reason to believe Midway(now WB games?) could flunk a name on this level. They never had! Most of the names up to 4 where cool sounding. Sub-Zero, Scorpion, Kabal...all deliberate, badass names.And they mostly seemed to know their Asia folklore. Then they put Reiko in there.

As if he needed anything more to be a joke character.

Finish HER!

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