Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Horrendous Theory: Mass Effect 2 is really an Italian Star Wars ripoff


I am deeply, madly in love with Mass Effect. It's one of the greatest videogames available on consoles nowadays, and not just because it let's you watch some space lesbians making out.

And I say that like it's nothing.
 Besides that, one of the strong elements of the game is the story. Broad enought to be exciting, yet detailed enought to be deep, the game's narrative is attractive after the fifth time . Of course, the game is really want would happen if Star Wars had an orgy with Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica while Babylon 5 watches.Thats' why I love it.

Still, you can't blame the game from taking cues and ideas from the greats of the Sci Fi genre: after all, the influence of years and years of them are hard to ignore. But what if I told you the plot of ME is stolen wholesale from a cheap imitation of Star Wars?

Not this one.
 Well, that's what I'm about to do! Meet Star Oddysey A.K.A.Captive Planet A.K.A. Metallica. It's a little known Italian film that was released in the height of Star War's popularity.  But  what does a movie with Robot Boxing, Sportacus' retarded cousin, and the auction of the earth have to do with ME2's intricate plot?

On their defense, Star Wars could have used more Space Skanks.
 See, Star Oddysey is in the public domain, and me liking cheap inspiration as much as anyone, decided to watch it. Here's more or less the lowdown.

In the future, Humankind still hasn't colonized other worlds, when an alien race straight up colonize US: an evil Psychic alien overlord who really wanted a closer look at his hot wafflemaker comes to the earth, and starts zapping the hell out of countries, enslaving humanity and putting earth on an Intergalactic auction. Human 's forces are useless against the aliens.

They clearly want earth's biggest resource: wigs.

 The human government supresses the news( Are we so distracted by Lindsay Lohan's antics that we ignore Tokyo's completely destroyed?) and sends for a...he's kind of a psychic, to help out. But he's used to getting things his way and hates the earth government.Eventually they work him over and cooperates. He devices that they will need a team of specialists to deal with the alien menace, and it will be comepletely out of Earth Gov's official workings.

They bust out two swindlers/Scientists from jail, steal a ship from E-Gov, hire an expert in RMMA(robot-mixed martial arts) who himself brings an annoying couple of duck looking robots and an ace space pilot with a cool spider-shirt.

Maybe we can kill the aliens while they are busy vomiting.

They figure out how to disable the aliens, and it all goes where you'd expect it. If where you expect it is the promises of Robots having heterosexual intercourse and the Scientists kinda joining the villain at the end.
Now look closer(unless you don't want ME2 being spoilt. In which case, stop reading, stupid. )

In ME2, human colonies are under attack by aliens, who pretty much kidnap everyone and make their getaway. Official human authorities, and ME2's Space U.N. supresses and downplays what is happening, while the rogue prohuman Cerberus Group decides to take direct, beyond-the-pale action. The game's Commander Sheppard is sent to aquire a team that can deal with it, which includes a scientist, breaking out an Excon and an assortment of aliens.

They figure out how to disable the aliens, and it all goes where you'd expect it. If where you expect it is people dying because they don't talk to you anymore, you jerk.

"If you don't side with me on this petty argument, I can't make any promises on not letting swarms of bugs kill me."
I believe ME2 is not linked to Star Oddysey by coincidence, but by purposedfull plagiarism. Course, Star Oddysey is public Domain. So it's not too bad a ripoff anyway. Plus, they removed the bickering robot couple and added  Seth Green.  So it's all good in the end.

 Lord Grid Face is against Robot Sex. Also he kicks children in the face.Nice.


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