Wednesday, July 6, 2011

6 Videogame movies that didn't live to be bad

Not how animation is directed.

Folks, the track record of videogame adaptations is a subject we're all painfully aware off. But making a movie isn't easy. It takes money, which you get on loan from movie execs who want to make their money, too, and  if they give you the cash, they want to make sure you do it "right". Right is...something they aren't often good as.
Like in the Movies! Remember that? No? Only me, huh? How about Freedom Force?

Due to this nature of the film industry, many planned films never get made, even if rights to  franchise are acquired, or if actors are attached to contracts or if a film is already half made. A movie has to clear technical hurdles, budget issues, scheduling issues, and simple petty behavior from above before they can get to the silver screens as it is more practical to cancel a movie than to try and fix it as it goes. Video Game movies are not exempt from this, which you might disagree with when you see drek like Bloodrayne 3 sneak itself on unsuspecting ...are there still videostores? Regardless, here are some  videogame movies that never existed, so we can't know how much they sucked.

Fear Effect

A magazine!  Wow, this was a long time ago.
This game  series  was known for titillating "Mature" content, cardio based health system and because it had an early version of the Mass Effect options, if only to open your towel.
Wow! Shake those polygons!

However, shadow-over-the-land Uwe Boll got the rights to Fear Effect  with the promise of getting the rights to Hitman if he bought the first. However, he dropped the film when the promise of rights to Hitman never  materialized.  Which is for the best, because if a franchise isn't good enough to unload on The Boll, I don't want to see what mangled remain of a film he would have made.

Duke Nukem

Back in 2001, before Duke Nukem made jokes instead of being one,  someone actually got the rights to do a movie based on the square jawed enemy of Captain Planet ersatz action hero setting it in a PG 13 range.

However, unlike the game, we know better than to expect the product to be released over a decade later. during the 10 years that ensued, they probably lost the rights .  Your best for a Duke Nukem film is just to watch They Live, Evil Dead, and Fifth Element while huffing paint. Don't worry, you'll come up with Duke Nukem eventually.

Perfect Dark

Out of the way! Trying to read the title, here!
It is true: the game adaptation of N64 and Xbox spy series  was underway many gears ago, when the rights where acquired. However, not much was heard since from the cinematical adventures of Joanna Dark. Isn't  it weird how videogames have that many more female leads than movies?

Soul Calibur
Heh. I guess my photoshop skills WHERE bad.

The cancelled Soul Calibur film that was supposed to be  released a couple of years ago never resurfaced. Rumors of a plot involving twins fighting against an evil prince and also of the movie starring  Isabella "Ivy" Valentine alias "Growing Up Ivy".

Personally, as much as I would relish some Samurai vs Knight action, I wonder  how much of a stretch it is to find a guy who can do it proper. If they can't do Tekken right, I don't think they should touch Soul Calibur.

Metal Gear
Well, did you snake or not?

The stealth game/cutscene  delivery system is known for it's cinematic flair, so it's not surprising they eventually tried to work it into a movie. But Snake's voice David Hayter, who worked on the script confirmed the movie got stuck on the way.  Which... well, he wrote this too, so maybe it's better if he don't.

Call of Duty: 3 Bar combat
Call of Duty
Defying all  logic, Activision filed a trademark which sparked rumors of a Call of Duty movie. Which...really? Are you so desperate to have name recognition that you need to name your  war movies after games.  Thankfully, this dreadful idea has been MIA for quite some time.


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